OT: Need Advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
OT: Need Advice!
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 8:37am

This has nothing to do with cooking, but you gals have some good collective life experience and I'd like some advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-1998
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 12:10pm

Candice, you're definitely not alone. My girls did this too. It never seems to end. They are 13 & 10 now and Baylie (older) has been picking on Kelsie a lot. I think it's their age difference right now. One day they are fighting one day they are best friends. I don't have the answer but know you are not alone.

Maybe with the Halloween buckets you can write their initials on them so they know which one is theirs. Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 12:39pm
Of course you're not alone! My girls are the same way. Drive me crazy one day and the next they're best friends! When they fight over a toy, I usually take it away from both of them. If they can't agree and play nice, then they don't get to play with it all. You have a lot of things with names and initials on it in our house!
I never had to deal with the mimicking. Not sure how to handle that one.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2008
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 1:18pm

Candice ~ If you are doing something wrong, then we must have had the same bad mothering lessons. My boys are 4 years and 2 days apart, and they fight most of the time. Waylon also tries to correct Jeffrey, and it bothers me. Nut then you have Jeffrey who when I get onto Waylon for not taking his medicine, Jeffrey will say, "mom he's not taking his medicine, you need to whip his @ss!"

And yes, they have the same toys, we never buy 1 of anything, and they still fight over them. I don't know why and I don't know what to do about it. But I'm right there in the driving me crazy boat with you!!!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-1999
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 1:38pm

My girls were 2 years and 8 months apart, and they did this FOREVER.

They are 40 and almost 43, and they still aren't the best of friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2002
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 2:26pm

Ditto all that was said here.

Avatar for momof_3girls
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 5:42pm

Another part of lovely parenthood ! You are not alone =)..

Missy said it never ends- well it does, when they move out !!

Susan said take the toy away they are fighting with - exactly ! If they can't share it no one gets it =).. Bottom line- end of discussion.

Tracy said immediant consequence- YUP.. The quicker you react with a consequence (taking the toy from both of them) - they know you are not messing around !

My girls were/are 13 months apart and they got along really well.. ( one a Lion and one a Bull!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-1999
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 7:09pm

My girls are 3 years apart.... they fought all the time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 8:03am
Thanks everyone for the advice! It helps to hear that I'm not alone:) I had Emma write her name on her bucket this morning and I helped Lena write her name on hers. That was a good suggestion that I didn't think of. I also think that sometimes sending them to different rooms to play would be good. We have a small apartment, so not a lot to choose from, but they could sit at the dining table, play at the toy box, in the play room or in their bedroom. And choosing where they go will make it seem less like a punishment. I try to give them choices whenever I can - especially Lena - she's at that age where I can convince her to do most anything if I let her think it was her choice to do it. Red hat or blue hat? Still gets the hat on her head. But if I told her to put on a hat, it would NEVER happen! She's stubborn.

The other thing I just started doing is red light, yellow light and green light. They both start out the day with a green circle showing in a paper envelope that I made. If they misbehave they get a warning that if they do it again, they'll get a yellow light. If they do it again, I switch their green circle to a yellow one. And repeat for red light. If they make it to the end of the day without getting to a red light, they get an extra book read to them at bed time. It works really well for Emma. Lena doesn't quite understand it yet, but she's getting it.

I do take a toy away when they fight over it, but I could definitely be more consistent about it. I like the suggestion of having a catch phrase, Renee. I do give them timeouts, but have discovered that taking away a current favorite toy for Emma is far more effective. I've also separated them for nap time because they often wake up the other one before she was finished napping. I made a little bed on the floor for Emma and so far, she sleeps there without disturbing all the stuff in our room. Last night when I went in to check on the girls before I went to bed, Lena was asleep on the floor right next to Emma's bed. It was so cute.

Thanks for all your suggestions, but mostly just for letting me know that this happens to you and your kids too. I know that you are all great moms and it makes me feel better to know that this is all normal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 8:55am

This would be my odd Swedish advice, I know we have different view on upbringing.

1. Start boosting Lenas self confidence with

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 11:33am

Definitely not alone Candice. I have one of each (boy and girl), 21 months apart, now 17 & 15