You shouldn't eat that

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2013
You shouldn't eat that
Sun, 06-09-2013 - 9:26am

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with diabetes and suddenly she has become the food police when we are out together. I realize she is very zealous towards making healthier choices but it is driving me crazy that she has to comment on every item on the menu. When my plate arrives there is always something I "should have" substituted for something else. I love her dearly but if I wanted to have lunch with my mother I would have invited her! How should I handle this without offending her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2008
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 9:38am

I saw this topic and had to drop in and comment. I believe I am guilty of doing this to my friends! I go on diets and honestly talk about food choices all the time because I am trying to talk myself into believing what I am saying. My friends usually just bear with me and laugh about my being on a diet again.

You are a good friend for sticking it out with your dieting friend. If she is anything like me, her zeal will start to die down at some point so please try to keep a sense of humor and support her.


Community Leader
Registered: 10-01-2010
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 10:18am

I am a bit devilish and would probably start heading her off before I even ordered. What do you think about this - wouldn't it have too much salt? How about this - what kind of oil do they use, I wonder? If I got this, do you think that they could use coconut oil instead of vegetable oil when they make it? Do you think that green peas are more nutritious that green beans? How many carbs are in sweet potatoes compared to white potatoes? Would combining this food with that food make it more nutritious? What is the lowest calorie item on the menu? What if I ordered this, but only ate half?

By the time I was done, and ordered what I wanted in the first place, she might be so worn out, she will let me eat in peace! LOL

Community Leader
Registered: 04-07-2008
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 1:12pm

My husband does this whenever he takes a notion to do some dieting. Suddenly, the man who will eat anything and never pays attention to what he is shoveling in, becomes the a food policeman making comments about every item on anyone else's plate. 

Community Leader

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2012
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 3:04pm
If she is a dear friend, I think I'd suggest just being honest with her. Tell her that while you understand she is watching her diet very closely, and that you realize she is just trying to be helpful, you'd appreciate if she kept the comments about your food to herself. It's awkward, that's for sure, but I don't know that there is any other way. Good luck!
Community Leader
Registered: 07-31-1998
Mon, 06-10-2013 - 5:14pm

I would say "Take a deep breath and tune her out!" When she is more comfortable with the choices she has to make she will calm this down. BTDT!!! I try really hard to keep my mouth shut most of the time when I see diabetic friends doing really stupid things! But now a days almost everything, in specific amounts, is allowable for diabetics to eat. In diabetes you need to know so much at the time of diagnosis to manage this diease and this is when you feel the worst.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2013
Tue, 06-11-2013 - 8:17am

maryfrances40 wrote:
<p>I would say "Take a deep breath and tune her out!" When she is more comfortable with the choices she has to make she will calm this down. BTDT!!! </p><p> </p>

I agree! I have several friends now who are diabetics and once they get past the initial reaction of being told they have diabetes, they tend to calm down with the overwhelming giving of information.

Please try to remember your friend has been diagnosed with a very serious medical condition and she is probably trying to wrap her mind around the fact her life is changed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Tue, 06-18-2013 - 2:48am

Wonder if maybe she is afraid you will  become a diabetic also?  Or else others are being  food police to her so much she  has started thinking that way too.   Wonder if it would work when you sit down to just say right at the beginning,  "Let's make a deal! Neither of us will be food police today!  Let's just make our own choices and enjoy what we order!  I promise I will NOT  tell you you should have ordered something different or ask to have something done a different way. " 

Maybe your saying you won't second guess her,  will allow her to not second guess you too?

If that doesn't work  then just try to ignore it for now. It is very probable that she will calm down a bit. She is probably trying to learn so many things at once about her diabetes that she may be doing the samething to herself when she does it to you. 

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 07-01-2013 - 5:55pm

Others have commented on friends 'dieting'. That however is not what your friend is dealing with. She is dealing with life changes. It is very hard especially when you are newly diagnosed to deal with others not understanding, or taking into consideration what you are dealing with.. I finally told my then jr high age daughter and my husband that if I were going to LIVE through this that I needed their help. That was in the car, after dealing with her choices of fast food that did not really offer me much of any selection... There are some places who offer better choices for diabetics. And honestly, it is still easier when those around me don't HAVE to eat things that are hard for me to pass up, like ice cream, desert, large pasta etc. I don't know where you were eating with your friend. You don't need to eat like she does, but don't 'flaunt' all the wrong foods in front of her. It will get easier for her, but at first having the help and support of those around you, is a true blessing.  Good luck to your friend!