Father needs help with son's bad habits

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Father needs help with son's bad habits
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 8:14pm

Your assistant is needed to read and comment on the following letter to my youngest son 36. His older brother is going to have to triple tomorrow at ll AM. Admittedly I’m not the best at expressing my feeling or ideas. I was placed here to troubleshoot and repair and am fairly blunt since I want a permanent fix then moving on to another problem. Best to say I attack a problem; I’ve attended enough meetings where great ideas were listen to then ignored, so I need some fine tuning on this. My doc and I agree when it comes to relationship issues women are light-years ahead of us guys. Thank for reading this and helping me out.    

Hi Son,

Mom told me she called you and your shock concerning David’s triple bypass surgery. Naturally I was concerned but, not shocked. As young boy David even told a smoker in an auto store how bad it was, then changing to a man smoking a pack a day is difficult for a father to comprehend. Instead of drinking water, David always has one of those sugar bombs, 20 oz. Mountain Dew, Rock Star, etc. in hand. Then there was the alcohol and beer, beer is alcohol one shot per can, and I can’t even fathom how many of those you brother has polished off. Now I know you didn’t see Dad or Mom ever smoking or rarely drinking, we wanted to be a good role model for our two sons. It wasn’t a faith issue its good science and it’s been known for a long time.

I made every effort to engage David in physical actives but it was a no go, of course you were with me SCUBA, running, Scouting, and other activities requiring physical excretion. Again David would be reading a book or doing so other non-physical activity.

Mom told me you were a real “leave it to beaver” boy while I was at work. Like the time you saw me warm a frozen bottle of super glue in the microwave. I know it looked simple, pop it heat it use it, except you failed to notice the timer was set for 10 seconds, not the full minute you used. When super glue bottle exploded it sent fumes throughout house and evacuated everyone in the house, not to mention lining the inside of microwave with splattered dry glue. You learned a lesson and now I’m trying to get you to learn another.

What really stresses me is both of you having acquired some typical male bad habits. Even though you’re not a regular smoker, I’m still getting email from cigar vendors addressed to your company. Having a smoke eater in your home office isn’t reassuring either. Now David at age 39 is having a triple bypass and even grew another. Both of you have hi-blood pressure yet continue to pursue bad habits. Even worse Mom genetics predisposes David and you to heart problems. I don’t what you to wait until you need a stint, bypass, or have a stroke to realize intervention is needed. NOW is the time to be proactive and realize you’re no invincible Superman. Yea, I know all us guys think so, the truth is we’re NOT, statics bear this out, your wife will likely out live you pretty sad isn’t. So does this make women smarter NO, but it does prove we’re dumber when it comes to our lifestyles YES. And speaking of lifestyles 30 million men have erectile dysfunction and nothing can be worse to us supermen than not making the ladies in our lives happy. It took me awhile to realize that our real goal in life isn’t just to make you happy but to make someone else happy in the process.

Recall that plane ride with Bill; he confided to me that he’d rather be dead than not have sex. Now can I make it any more important than that! There’s a lot more truth to the saying “If you see a big gut and cowboy buckle, the buckle is a tombstone for what lies beneath”

Now you have more than most; hotie wife, 3 wonderful kids, a beautiful home with pool, hot tub, outdoor kitchen, 2 Vipers, Charger SRT8, Jeep Commander SRT8, Aston Martin Vanquish, Lotus Esprit, Ford  F40, 36’Grady White w/tuna tower at Port Aransas, Hummer H2 for your sweetie, and your telecom business. All those toys aren’t worth squat if you’re dead of a heart attack or stroke. Besides you haven’t achieved your goal of make your sweetie happy yet. So think about it, is all you worked for going to be toss away because you don’t make some easy to change bad lifestyle habits.

I can tell you those kids will be grown before you know it, and then it’s you and sweetie all alone in that big house, or on a cruise, and on and on. Just imagine the adult games the two you of can play, like timed hide and seek where the winner has to surprise the other with something new in the bedroom! Even prince’s like adult games, like playing pool even when he loses.

Your father is 66 and I still can’t get sex out of my mind, so don’t expect your desires to just turn off, even if your hardware goes reduced/out-of-service. Now at my age a trip to the body shop is needed to stiffen up a hi-mileage part. Those pills help yet I want some staying power to really light Mom’s fire. BTW women do get better with age they are always learning get better and better at knowing what lights your rocket, and you should be doing the same! It never hurts to do a critique afterwards; amazing sex isn’t an accident, its refining techniques!

Recall I took you to all 5 service recruiters, and you selected the Marines, I did my best to get you a long school in aircraft instrument repairs, why because electronics is future as you have found out. You were proud completing a marathon at 13, then completing Marine boot camp without a sweat while others were hurting. Recall you DI telling you not to carry a friend’s pack on a 20 mile march because he had to carry his weight too. Well could you do that today, remember I was 43 running that marathon right along your side? Now your only 36 do you what to run a marathon today? Or should I say do you want to have sex 20 years from now? It’s you choice follow in David’s footsteps, or decide to take care of yourself and be the man you want to be.

Too bad my father died when I was 21 maybe I could have got on message sooner, yet David and you are still my responsibility and I’m not going to give-up on either till I’m gone and maybe even afterwards. So don’t expect this to be the last email as you know you father doesn’t quit till a problem is fixed!!!

With Love, Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2012
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 9:35am

Okay, I'm having some trouble following along-is the problem is that you want your son to stop smoking and you are trying to use his love of sex to try to encourage him to stop? Personally, if it were my son, I'd be much more direct and blunt and tell him to quit smoking or he could be in his brother's shoes sooner than he wants to admit.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-25-2000
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 1:32pm

I really don't know how the male mind works, but I doubt bringing his sex life into this is going to endear you to him, unless you do it in a very general way of describing ED as often being a result of circulatory problems that can happen to someone with the habits you are worried about. And it is not likely he wants to know about your sex life and his mother's.

I think I would take the approach that was already advised. Use his brother's triple bypass as an attempt to wake him up. Sadly we cannot live other people's lives for them.

Good luck to you and to your sons.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2009
Thu, 08-30-2012 - 2:38pm

I concur with leaving the sex out of this discussion, especially the talk of your own libido and sex life. Frankly, it comes across as boastful, and I'm quite certain that's not what you intend.

Personally, I think it was indiscreet for his wife to talk to you about any problems he's had with sexual performance. Whether he shares such details with his father should be his decision, not hers. Consequently, I would wager that you mentioning it would cause a certain amount of marital strife in addition to all the other stressors in his life.

I do wish you all the best in getting him to make lifestyle changes.