overwhelmed by all my symptoms :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-1999
overwhelmed by all my symptoms :(
5
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 1:40pm

I'm looking for help, an ear, a should to cry on I guess. I'v done the research and I know what can or cannot be done with my symptoms.

I'm 45, and because of perimenopause I have dry eyes - so I can' wear contacts anymore. I'v gained weight so have lost the body that I once had, I have irregular periods (currently the period I'm in is lasting 12 days and counting not wanting to let up yet) absolutely no sex drive, occasionally HATE my husband (have posted in the divorce boards and couldn't remember doing it, but I guess I wanted to divorce him 2 weeks ago) I get heart palpitations that create so much anxiety that I take anxiety meds for it on occasion (panic attacks)  I think I get hot flashes but not sure, theyre not obvious, and they don't bother me too much. I guess right now what's bothering me is the affect on my marriage, primarily how do I tell my still wanting to be sexually active husband that I really have no desire for sex and I can't have sex now anyways, because I am still bleeding like a teenage girl with her first period?

It's bad enough that I'v put on 30 pounds since he married me and have to wear my big thick glasses 24/7 but now I can barely even pretend to like sex? I think that's why I often think we should divorce, so that he can find someone better, ie-younger, but at the same time I really don't want to lose him and am scared to death (although next week I'm sure I will hate him again) of how this will affect my marriage.

it makes matters worse because he is younger than me, so really doesn't deserve to be having to go through this with me. I'm hiding most of my symptoms from him, but he can see the weight gain, big thick glasses and can probably tell that i have no sex drive compared to a few years ago. Most of the sex we have is "duty sex", but now I can't even do that with my period never ending.

just unhappy, need a shoulder to cry on. but wouldn't mind any tips on how to remain married through all this feeling unsexy, feeling old and ugly and having a period that just doesn't stop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 9:15am

I tried to send reply here but I'm getting a message I'm using inappropriate languange and profanity but I don't see any in my post.  Is there a list of words we can't use?  Maybe I'm missing something.

Bennie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Wed, 08-07-2013 - 9:16am
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry to hear this. I can relate to some of your issues but being single and never married that part I got off easy on. I think you need to talk to him and explain it's a physical/chemical/hormonal thing and not the real you. I've tried some herbal type stuff, Dr. Bach's Flower Essence, meditating (but I have very little patience for it), talking to myself, reading some of those Chicken Soup for the Soul books, one little story before bed, limiting violent shows and the news. I also try to give thanks for the good things in my life (although some days I forget to do this), and just focus on positive thoughts. Music helps me too. I try to listen to my favorite rock tunes (80's big hair bands, etc.) to get out of a funk. Ditto for me on the anxiety, low libido (but it was never really that high to begin with), weight gain and did I mention anxiety? My symptoms all started around 45 and I'm now going on 52 in a month and a half. I'm happy to say my periods seemed to have stopped but not the flashing and suddenly the anxiety worked its way up again. I think having another birthday my body seems to know and those chemical imbalances are acting up again. Talk to your husband and doctors to see if they can suggest anything. Hang in there, we're tough cookies. Bennie

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Avatar for klrambo
Community Leader
Registered: 10-19-2000
Mon, 08-12-2013 - 3:06pm

"Inappropriate language"?!  Haven't seen that message in a **long** time!   There is no list of no-no words that I know of though.

You really do need to sit your DH down and tell him just what is going on with your hormones - else he may begin to try to convince himself that it is something he is doing wrong that is causing you to turn him down (sexually) so much.  There is a page at our Menopause Oasis that might help him understand a bit...just click here to go directly there.

You might want to visit our 'Natural Remedies' page while you are at the Oasis.  Perhaps you can find something listed there that will help you.

I have always touted the use of a Vitamin B Complex 50 capsule on a daily basis to keep ones mood swings under control.  It keeps me from hating the world and being an ornery/angry  person!!   It seems to work just as well for men as it does women!

If you have not seen a GYN about your lengthy periods, perhaps now would be a good time to do just that.  There is help to be had!

Please know that you are welcome here anytime; to vent (it really can help!); to ask questions; to share experiences; or to just hang out with other gals who understand and care.

Remember, there are NO dumb questions regarding menopause!


Co-Community Leader at:
50 & Up Friends | Menopause & Perimenopause
 
My Web sites:
50 & Up Friends | Ladybug’s Recipes | Menopause Oasis

You are loved ~~ far more than you may ever know!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Tue, 08-13-2013 - 10:18am

I went to your Menopause Oasis site to check out the natural remedies.  What's the difference between:

• Vitamin B-6: (50 mg) 2x per day - anti-depressant (never more than 100mg / day)
• Vitamin B complex 50 - anti-depressant

Aren't they both vitamin B's?

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Avatar for klrambo
Community Leader
Registered: 10-19-2000
Wed, 08-28-2013 - 10:55am

Vitamin B Complex 50 is a combination (50mg each) of all of the B vitamins.  Vitamin B 6 is simply B 6. 

As you can see from our Natural Remedies page each of the B vitamins acts a bit differently in our body. Sometimes we need a wee extra kick of one or more of the B vitamins, so they are sold separately.  Vitamin B Complex 100 contains 100mg each of all of the B vitamins.  But there are some who believe that 100mg is a bit too much.  It is easier to take a second Complex 50 if it is needed than to try to cut a Complex 100 in half!!!  There is also a product named "Super B Complex" -- that one can vary in how much of each of the individual B vitamins are in it as you might switch between brands.  That is why I most often stress using the Vitamin B Complex 50 -- so you can know exactly how much of each B vitamin is in the capsule - every time, no matter the brand.  Hope this helps.

Remember, there are NO dumb questions regarding menopause!

Co-Community Leader at:
50 & Up Friends | Menopause & Perimenopause
 
My Web sites:
50 & Up Friends | Ladybug’s Recipes | Menopause Oasis

You are loved ~~ far more than you may ever know!