Going around the mulberry bush....
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|Sun, 04-07-2013 - 5:37pm|
Man long story short...DH is a drunk...was doing vodka all the time...he got a report from the dr years ago saying liver problems...he went cold turkey after that!! a few years down the road we are back at it with beer...guess he thinks it will not do any damage??? Economy took a toll on us but financially we have settled down and have been for the last 2 years so that is good....not rich by ANY means but we can pay bills and eat...does great at his job but drinks EVERY night again.....I have told him over and over that it is not good for him and he will never be around to walk his daughter on her wedding day (she is 12 now but still you know what I mean)....two years ago when financial start started to happen I decided to start running to combat stress...I am great shape now and I told my husband it is because of your drinking I keep myself up because you will die and leave me single with 2 kids to raise and I need to make sure I can get remarried and not struggle...thinking this will help him re think. It did for awhile but like all alcoholics the selfishness takes over and he drinks....I hate that he loves the alcohol more than me and the kids....I love the fact that I am in shape after years of being over weight from my second child...I feel so wonderful about myself! But I have to say I am so lonely! I keep to myself and think that is best because if I don't I am afraid just "talking" to someone else will fill a HUGE void in me!! I don't sleep in the same bed as him and have not done so in 10 years....I can only assume what I am feeling is normal. The loneliness...the wanting to have a conversation at night with someone...the wanting of being wanted and not the can of beer after beer after beer.... it's his drinking that makes me go out there on run my butt off...it pushes me to be better and stronger! I feel like all I am doing is waiting for him to get the report of his next blood work to say you have liver damage again...I don't even know what to say other than I try hard to keep myself grounded...I understand where I am at financially meaning I don;'t have a job and have looked and looked!!!! I am where I am financially...he does not yell or hit me or the kids...it does not make it right but it makes life bearable...I feel like I am running to keep myself up which is what I need mentally and just waiting for the day to meet someone who will want ME not the next can!!