Going around the mulberry bush....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Going around the mulberry bush....
3
Sun, 04-07-2013 - 5:37pm

Man long story short...DH is a drunk...was doing vodka all the time...he got a report from the dr years ago saying liver problems...he went cold turkey after that!! a few years down the road we are back at it with beer...guess he thinks it will not do any damage??? Economy took a toll on us but financially we have settled down and have been for the last 2 years so that is good....not rich by ANY means but we can pay bills and eat...does great at his job but drinks EVERY night again.....I have told him over and over that it is not good for him and he will never be around to walk his daughter on her wedding day (she is 12 now but still you know what I mean)....two years ago when financial start started to happen I decided to start running to combat stress...I am great shape now and I told my husband it is because of your drinking I keep myself up because you will die and leave me single with 2 kids to raise and I need to make sure I can get remarried and not struggle...thinking this will help him re think. It did for awhile but like all alcoholics the selfishness takes over and he drinks....I hate that he loves the alcohol more than me and the kids....I love the fact that I am in shape after years of being over weight from my second child...I feel so wonderful about myself!  But I have to say I am so lonely! I keep to myself and think that is best because if I don't I am afraid just "talking" to someone else will fill a HUGE void in me!! I don't sleep in the same bed as him and have not done so in 10 years....I can only assume what I am feeling is normal. The loneliness...the wanting to have a conversation at night with someone...the wanting of being wanted and not the can of beer after beer after beer.... it's his drinking that makes me go out there on run my butt  off...it pushes me to be better and stronger!  I feel like all I am doing is waiting for him to get the report of his next blood work to say you have liver damage again...I don't even know what to say other than I try hard to keep myself grounded...I understand where I am at financially meaning I don;'t have a job and have looked and looked!!!! I am where I am financially...he does not yell or hit me or the kids...it does not make it right but it makes life bearable...I feel like I am running to keep myself up which is what I need mentally and just waiting for the day to meet someone who will want ME not the next can!!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Wed, 04-10-2013 - 1:09pm

Hi, 

Might I suggest AlAnon. It is a group for the friends and family of alcoholics. It is for you, not him. 

He needs help, but you need to talk to people who understand where you are and what you go through. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 2:41pm

Oh yes I have told him several times....but nothing has changed....I do think he wants too but does not have the strength to so...as far as him going to meeting will not happen. I have not gone to any but just started to look around to see where there were some in my area. Mianly I wanted  and want to know is what I am feeling normal and I can only assume yes!  It's just sad to see someone choose something over someone...I can not imagine...so I pretty much stay in my own little world keep up with the kids and keep working out because in the back of mind I always wonder what if I become a widow?? Than what?? I still have years to raise my kids and want to look my best not to mention be a good role model to the kids since only one of is! Just sometimes my little world LONGS for a conversation at night....does not happen often I am usually good about keeping my head in the sand and keep on trucking forward believing God does have something in store for me....but it just gets sooooo old to be married and not have a true partner when you need them!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2013
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 10:14am

Good for you for getting your act together and getting fit! Have you talked to him about how lonely you are? Have you tried any kind of counseling?