Heavy Drinking Can Take a Toll on Marriage

Avatar for cmkarla
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Registered: 01-03-2001
Heavy Drinking Can Take a Toll on Marriage
4
Tue, 12-10-2013 - 12:15pm

Do you and your spouse drink or just one of you? It may make a difference in the longevity of your marriage according to Health Day News. "Heavy drinking by one partner in a marriage increases the risk of divorce, but that's not the case if both spouses are heavy drinkers, a new study finds.

Researchers followed nearly 650 couples for the first nine years of their marriage and found that the divorce rate was nearly 50 percent for couples where only one partner drank heavily. Heavy drinking was defined as having six or more drinks at one time or drinking to intoxication.

The divorce rate for couples where neither were heavy drinkers and for couples where both were heavy drinkers was 30 percent, according to the study, published in the December issue of Psychology of Addictive Behaviors." Read More

Your thoughts?

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2002
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 7:06pm

Hmm...interesting....I was a drinker thru all my marriages....not so much in number one and going to the extreme in the other 4.  All ended in divorce....and none made it to the 9 year mark except the 3rd....but we were not living together...just not divorced.  Think alcohol had anything to do with my divorces??  Maybe??  The common denominator in all those marriages was ME and ALCOHOL.

Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sat, 12-14-2013 - 9:41am

 I can believe these stats.  My dh and I have been married for only 2 years (second marriage for both of us) and when he drinks, he gets intoxicated and goes off on rants - usually bashing my children and becomes verbally abusive to me).  I admit, I don't deserve it, but  I view this as only 1% of who he is and the rest is good.  We have problems due to the fact I don't like HIS kids and HE doesn't like mine.  We drink only on Fridays after work and only at home, but many of those nights end up with him doing the things I mentioned and me leaving the room.  We have discussed divorce, but neither one of us make a move.  We get up the next morning and go on with our lives.  I knew when I married him that this happens plus the fact he suffers depression and knew I could handle it, but I admit...it gets old.  The stress of our adult children coming home for the holidays really set him off last night.  We both threaten to leave, but neither of us has anywhere to go.  I've thought about leaving him unless he quits drinkng and gets help for his depression, but haven't done it yet.  I want our marriage to last, but when he drinks and bashes my kids...it's hard.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 02-02-2014 - 6:51pm

Bashing your kids is not acceptable....for any reason....1% really?  That equals...90% to me.....You must be young because no one else would put up with 1% of the stuff you described...Its not only the drinking...its the personality....if he doesn't understand he is putting this stress on you and your family...than he is not worth it...think about it.....bashing my kids.....no...won't happen....has in the past..and wont ever happen again....you are all your kids have...if he can't stand by you and support you with them..what are you doing with him?  Ask yourself that..its not about the drinking...its about him.  You can use drinking for an excuse.....but he doesn't like your kids.with or without drinking..its him the person.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010

Well, Missy...actually I am a 54 year old woman whose kids are grown.  Dh has reason for not liking my children as do me his.  My DDs have favored their father and his family since our divorce in 2007 especially once I met dh.  The reason MY kids don't like dh is because he does voice his opinion and has a spine...something I didn't have before I met him.  I learned from him how to stand up to my kids and speak my mind and they don't like it.  Dh has seen me in tears in the past for things my DDs have done that have hurt me and the disrespect they have towards me, so he has reason not to like my children.  However, my DDs have matured, things have gotten better between us, but dh is still very protective of me as I am of him.  His 3 DSs have all used drugs and been WAY too dependent financially and emotionally on their father and don't think I haven't been quiet about THEM.  We finally have disengaged from each other's kids and are focusing on OUR marriage which, at our age, is more important.  Our kids are grown, have their own lives, know we love them, but we refuse to let them come between us.  We now rarely speak of each other's kids TO each other and it's working quite well. 

I agree...if my children were young, I would not have tolerated this and definitely not married the man.