How do you help a friend doing meth?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2013
How do you help a friend doing meth?
4
Mon, 02-11-2013 - 8:58am

My best friend has self-destructed before my eyes. She is 20 years old and doing meth. Her parents are trying to help but we don't know what to do. She's been arrested twice (for shoplifting and underage drinking) and we were all hoping that she'd do some time and get clean but all she got was a slap on the wrist and couple of phone numbers to dealers. I'm scared to be around her because she lies, steals, and who knows what she might be carrying. She calls and begs to borrow money constantly. She can't keep a job and goes from loser boyfriend to even worse loser boyfriend. She thinks she is having fun and really living and we can't convince her otherwise. Please tell me what we can do to convince her she needs help. She used to be so smart and pretty and she looks so worn out and broken down already and doesn't even see it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2002
Thu, 02-14-2013 - 10:16am
Hi Zcat...first, let me thank you for remaining a friend. Now, how to be the best friend you can be....and that is to not enable your friend to continue her drug use...at least not with your implied approval. By loaning or giving her money, feeding her when she has spent all her money on meth, even listening to her complain about how others are dissing her, is allowing her to think, in her own head, that her actions are ok. Sometimes, we have to step away. Let her know that she is welcome to come see you as long as she is not under the influence. Let her know that no money will change hands. Let her know, that while you do not condone her addictions, you do love her, and whenever she decides to change her behavior, you will be there for her 100%. Until that time, you will remain at a distance. Now...just for your information, please be careful if and when you decide to go out with her or have her in your car or home. If she is caught with drugs, you stand the chance of being charged too, just by being there. I have had to go to jail in just that scenario. You never know. It costs me a bondsman and a pretrial hearing. Then about 4 months of sitting around to see if charges were going to be brought against me. I got lucky. The case was dropped, but it still costs me a lot of money and the charge does come up when a business does a police search. I know mine was. Sometimes, a person does not come out as lucky as I was ....the charge can be taken to court...and that means lawyers, maybe a conviction, and possible probation or even jail time. So...stay aware. Again, in your case, may I suggest NarAnon. It is a 12 step program for family and friends of addicts. You will gain a lot of knowledge of yourself and your loved ones. You will learn how to not harm yourself when trying to help others. You will make friends with others that understand exactly what you are going thru and exactly how you feel. Some of these friendships can and do last a lifetime. Please come back and let us know how you are doing....and how your friend is doing. Prayers for her definately. Addiction is horrible....as I personally know. Took me 33 years of active addiction to finally get to a place where I wanted to be clean and sober and found help to get there. Thank God I found a solution. May your friend do the same. Nobody could tell me anything....only life and personal experience when it got bad enough for me. Then and only then, did I try to make a change. As long as I did not see the problem, I did not want a solution. Hopefully, your friend will not be as stubborn or wait as long as I did. Looking forward to hearing more from you about your experience. God bless..
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 6:35pm

Zcat. welcome!

Brenda said everything  I would have said (but better). I just want to welcome you and thank you for posting. Please let us know how things are going !

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2013
Mon, 02-25-2013 - 8:20am

Omg, you went through so much but it is great to hear you finally got clean. I am so concerned for my friend. She has become such a liar and I can't trust anything she says. She has gone through an awful lot of boyfriends in the last few months and I am very worried there is more to the stories than what I am hearing. She refuses to hold down a job and I have to wonder if the boyfriends are financing her lifestyle. Ugg. Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Sun, 03-03-2013 - 11:07pm
You can't save her, can't help her. Walk away. Trust me on this one. Can't ever look back until she's been clean for at least a year. And then still watch out.