I am over it

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
I am over it
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 10:06pm


I have posted on here before, but it has been a few years.  I am still with my DH, who is a functioning alcoholic.  He switched from beer to vodka a few years ago.  He can down a bottle by himself in 2 days (or less, depending on his mood).  We have a 16yr old son, and 12yr old daughter.  Last year, the fighting between our  dh and our son got out of hand, It was starting to get violent...so in Jan 2012, I moved out with the kids.  Our son still stayed at dh's house on the weekends, and they seemed to get along well for a few days at a time.  I still spoke to dh everyday, and saw him almost everyday (we shared a vehicle, mine!). 

Fast forward to June 2012, due to circumstances beyond my control, we moved back in with dh.  I wish I never came back.  I work at the local health club, and I have made a lot of new friendships there.  We all get together for drinks at someones house every friday.  I invited my dh a few times when I first started going...but he showed his ass everytime.   He drinks EVERY day...no exceptions!  When I get home from work, (around 5:30, he is in the bed, wtching TV with a drink in his hand.  Mind you, his drinks are about 3/4 alcohol.  on his days off, that is what he does all day, starting around 11a

I spend a lot of time away from home, so I don't have to be around him,  he is screaming at me right now.  what an ass.. I guess I would like advice.  I went to a few alanon meetings, and I know I can't change him.  But I now have a life that I really enjoy, with people that love me and respect me.  
Up until about 2yrs ago, i didn't have a lot of friends, and dh was always going out (an usually lying about it).  I never once accused him or asked him if he was cheating on me, because I know in my heart he won't.  I am the same way.  As much as I don't want to be with him, we are still married.  But he asks me every night if I am cheating on him, and I tell him no.  And then he asks again, and again, then accuses me of lying...it is a vicious circle.

Did I mention I have found 2 crack pipes in our apartment we just moved into in November.  OMG...I am at my wit's end...

Avatar for cmkarla
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 01-07-2013 - 11:43am

Hi! I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Have you thought about getting yourself some counseling? You don't have to live like that under such stressful conditions. Perhaps some professional counseling can help you make some changes to make yourself happy.

Community ModeratoriVillage.com

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Mon, 01-07-2013 - 6:19pm

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Addictions affect the whole family. You need to get out of that situation. You absolutely need to start making a plan. Take into consideration why you had to move back last June, and find a way to stay out of that situation. See if you can get a consultation maybe with a lawyer to see how you can separate finances. 

Please try to get back to AlAnon.

Keep in touch.