God, Grant me the serenity

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
God, Grant me the serenity
6
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 11:17am

I need to accept the fact that cancer has not changed my FIL and that my BILs are hypocrites. I need to accept that fact that I cannot change either of those facts. I need to accept that what I believe is normal, human responses to familial illness is not necessarily normal to everyone.

I come from a very close knit, almost to the point of old-fashioned, family. When my sister became ill, Knight and I automatically knew that as soon as she was medically able, she (and her animals) would move into our house. I learned at an early age that that is what people do, they take care of family.

BILs haven't even called.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sat, 01-22-2011 - 6:14am
I was thinking that maybe if they are in the begining of the disease of cancer...they are in denial...trying to act normal and haven't accepted yet that this disease has a hold of their family. Therefore, they are continuing on llike normal. It seems that they know that you will be there when you need them. Although it seems selfish it may be self preservation.
Missy
Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Tue, 01-25-2011 - 7:50pm
Beth, be grateful that you think the way you do. Your life and your husband and children's lives will be enriched thru this thinking and action on your part. the BIL's dont even have a clue of how this will play in their lives. They are teaching their children how to treat then in later years. God bless you for your loving, giving heart. Be grateful that you are you and not them. Love you.
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 6:30pm
Do they get along?

As we speak, my father is plotting to take my home (long story) by breaking our verbal contract of many years. If he had cancer I wouldn't call or attend his funeral. He is, and has been, evil all my life. I don't have time for people like that in my life. It's too draining.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 7:15pm

Get along? It depends on your definition. My FIL is not a nice man, He is not nice to his wife, me, my husband...

The whole family, though, except DH and I, are born again Christians. Nothing wrong with that as long as they attempt to practice what they preach. In this case, not so much. FIL, as I said, is not nice. The BILs both borrow money from him, or get the money out right. Youngest BIL lives rent free in an apartment FIL owns, and the other one has received thousands over the years. MIL buys diapers for the first's kids and is paying tuition at Bible Baptist College for the other's kids.

I do not begrudge them the money, it is only money. I do think though, if you take from someone, you ought to at least pay some attention when the cash cow is sick.

Anyway, it is neither here nor there...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 6:09pm
Good point about the cash cow.....

There's a similar pattern in my family.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Fri, 02-04-2011 - 6:16pm
I wanted to add since we were talking about a cash cow...

My father bought homes and land for 3 of my siblings. My problem was putting my own home on land he promised as my inheritance. He can't be trusted.

They can have the money cause there are too many strings attached around here.

Sorry that your BIL's aren't helping out.