Life on Life's Terms

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Life on Life's Terms
3
Fri, 02-11-2011 - 11:05pm

I have never before been part of the planning for the funeral of a person no one liked. My MIL is glad she fulfilled her vows, although he broke his repeatedly. My husband didn't go meet with the minister because he had nothing to add. My eldest daughter said that Grandpa always downplayed her accomplishments by trumping them with her cousins'.

The ritual of messy family relationships goes on. My estranged stepson did tell him father that he was sorry for his loss, as my husband declared in the phone conversation that he (Knight) had always loved him (SS). My eldest and her father are making book that Stepson doesn't show at the memorial service.

There is a small trust fund that was left only to relatives by bloods- so the sons not the wives. Therefore my MIL gets nothing of the trust. The sons were told that they could create a new trust, for 2.5% of the capital of the trust, but the financial lawyer could not tell them the money the investments on the trust has made in the last year or months. If a new trust is created, the sons must all agree to all changes. Knight talked to a friend of ours who has an interstate and international accounting and investment firm. The friend said we are being ripped off. Knight is telling the brothers that he wants his third and will invest it for their mother.

The service is going to be fundamentalist. There will be out right digs at those of us who are not saved/born again. The deceased, who made passes at all of his daughters-in-law and who cheated on his wife and denigrated his sons will be known to be in heaven, but pointed comments will be made about the son (my Knight) who will never see his father in the next life because of his marriage to a Catholic. (This has happened at both the grandmother's funerals.)

But my Knight will have the support of my side of the family who are turning out in force for him. My father-who is recuperating in a nursing home/rehab- is irate that no one will give him a ride to the memorial service.

We have been able to get to meetings.

I was told by a member that Knight and I are to dress up, show up and shut up. Might be great advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 7:46am

...I guess that you can take comfort, if you love your mother-in-law, that showing up dressed nicely, smiling, and remaining quiet will make things easier on her...I so know what you mean about the 'he's in heavan looking down on us now" and Catholic digs at religious celebrations...I'll private message you a little somethin-somethin' my Grandfather used to say...I'm thinking about you Beth...and, I think your husband's thoughts on his part of the trust is a good thing..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 5:18pm
Let us know how you are when this is all over. Families are something, aren't they? Thank God - literally - that you and I have been shown a better way to live. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family. XOXO
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 02-12-2011 - 10:38pm

We made it through. My stepson and his brother (not my husband's son) both came to the service. My youngest was exhausted and asked to go home, so my sister took her.