Really need a new sponsor, just not coping

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Really need a new sponsor, just not coping
3
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 8:20am

Maybe I need a board of directors. I nominate all of you!

For those who have just come to the board, or for you who don't remember, I am married to a recovering alcoholic who was married before we met. Actually he was divorced before we met also. ANYWAY.....I have an estranged stepson. He was not in contact with us from March 2003 to this past February when his grandfather (my husband's dad) died. After that he would text once a month, maybe a little more. My dad died in July, and stepson did come to the hospital and to the funeral. Since then he has texted me many times, usually once a month.

He wants me to go meet his family (a 7 year old girl and brand new baby boy). Me, not his father. Says he is not ready for that. My husband says I should, that it is a first step to healing our family.

You know what, I am not sure I want that. I am not sure I want the chaos that comes with the boy's mother being on the periphery of our family. I am already teaching for the next two years one of her other grandchildren. (long story, I will elaborate if you wish). When she saw me at open house (she is the boy's mom's only transportation) she said "What is that f***ing b***h doing here?"

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 10:14am
(((Beth))) my heart goes out to you....you have had a heavy plate for awhile now. I have no clue what is best for you to do...all I know is that prayer helps form your decision. Sounds like you already want to love those babies. Maybe telling the stepson that the only way you can meet them is to make sure your husband is with you when you do. Then let him know that, as much as you would like to meet them, you can not leave the grandpa out of that joy. Let him know that anytime he is ok with both of you coming, you will both be there. As for the ex....that is a whole different issue. It is also one for your husband to handle. It is his ex. Not your responsibility. Support for him and his decisions, yes...but actual handling of any situation she causes should be his, even if the decision is a restraining order. She sounds like a handfull. Step back...pray...talk to your AA friends (as you are doing) and let your conscience be your guide. Nobody said life was easy....but it sure can be a huge learning experience while we grow. I know this is only what I think, but if any of it sounds like a possibility for you, then I am grateful. If not, just know that you are loved and prayer for you to find your best decisions are forthcoming. Love to you as well as Knight and the girls. God bless....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 3:07pm
Beth - I totally agree with Brenda - 100%. I also know when I am confused about something that is as intricate as this situation I do two things: Take one day at a time and ask my Higher Power to help me. Things have a wonderful way of working out whenever I manage to "let go and let God."
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 8:55pm

I decided that I am not going to make a decision until after the first of the year. My daughters, husband, MIL, and I deserve all my attention through this very difficult first holiday season without the grandpas.

I also am leaning toward my original decision...we are all or nothing. I will take his texts and answer them. I will not originate texts to him. He needs to make up his mind. It didn't help that, despite knowing about it, he didn't bother to text or call his sister on her 16th birthday.