Addicted boyfriend: coke and alcohol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Addicted boyfriend: coke and alcohol
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 2:56pm

I'm torn what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 5:10pm


Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 6:04pm

No. No. No.

Okay, I understand that was a bit blunt, but you deserve so much more. You may love him, but he loves substances.

My husband and I had this read at our wedding "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2002
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 9:39pm
I completely agree with what has already been said. Do NOT marry him. Well, I guess you can if you can see yourself having babies, being the only real support, raising those babies without a daddy taking part in their lives, living scared waiting for the cops to bust your house, or going up to the pen every week to let your husband see the babies so they wont grow up not knowing him. This is a scene that is not pretty, but pretty accurate. In my family, I was the one in prison, and nobody would bring my kids up, for which I am grateful today. Not then...I demanded it. Thank goodness I have parents that were not swayed to my ravings. My children did not need to see that. I did wind up losing my children and my husband because I did not think I had a problem with alcohol and drugs...not even after being incarcerated for drugs...and a couple of DUI's. Thank GOD I am one of the blessed ones that did get and stay sober. I do know how many lives I hurt when I was active in my addictions....and, like your BF, I placed alcohol and drugs before anyone and anything in my life. Please dont let him do to you what I did to my family. I broke the hearts of parents that loved me, I did not get to raise my children because I was incapable of being someone that placed their safely before my wants. I lost my freedom because of my constant chase to find the substances that I was addicted to. I was 50 before I got sober. Many never do. Can you hang in there and wait till he is 50 or older before you might....MIGHT....get the chance to have what you have always been waiting for....his real love? And I say might...because after sobering up, he might decide to move on without you and the kiddos too. Its a gamble...are you willing to pay the price? Please dont. Keep posting, make a few AlAnon meetings and talk to the women there, wait and make a good, informed choice before going ahead with this marriage. Loving someone and living with an addict are two completely different things. God bless.....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Tue, 01-24-2012 - 9:50pm

I understand how/why you love him, but that love will never be reciprocated.


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Wed, 01-25-2012 - 9:24am

I have been married to an alcoholic for six years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2012
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 4:34pm

i am worried my boyfriend has a drink problem!We met at the end of last November out in a pub where we were both drunk so I suppose not the best place. The first time I thought there was a problem is when we had an arguement on the phone on Christmas Eve, he was drunk and became rude and obnoxious and insulted me. I got very upset and as a result my family don't think too highly of him as I let him away with it; making excuses saying he had a few drinks. The following day he apologised after i told him it was completely unacceptable the way he spoke to me. He doesn't drink every single day but he can't seem to have "just one" he takes it too far, I am getting frustrated with having drunken conversations with him. he seems to make excuses, for example "it is christmas", "it is New Year's Eve", he misses his brother in Australia and the latest is his mother is going to Australia for a couple of months and he will miss her. I am writing this on Wednesday and he went out for a family dinner on Sunday and was drunk. On Monday he went to the pub with his brother at 4p.m. and rang me drunk at 6pm. Last night he just had "two cans" but I know myself it was more and tonight his friend and him are having a few drinks at his. As I write this I do believe he has a problem but need help and advice how to approach it.