After 25 years of marriage, my alcoholic husband left

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
After 25 years of marriage, my alcoholic husband left
13
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 2:07pm

I'll try to make this short.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2011

Hi Tootie. I'm really sorry to hear about your husband, my heart goes out to you. I grew up in a home where alcohol was a problem and while I never really understood it, I do believe the need for it outweighed everything else until there was a lucid moment when there was the 'I want my family' realization. But that was few and far between. I think you can't force people to change and they have to want the help in order to make it work and that's got to be so hard waiting for someone to come to that knowledge and watching them self-destruct in the meantime. He sounds like a nice man who is addicted and needs help. I hope realizing what he no longer has makes a difference soon but I think going to alanon is a great idea for you in the meantime. You are a strong person! I am Sherilee, I hope to see you post again soon and I'll be thinking of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
You are right. He is a nice man who is addicted and needs help, but I am so angry with him for the way he is done me I dont' know if I'll ever get over it. I guess the more I learn about alcoholism, the more I will understand this happened. You are right. I cannot force him to change and am giving up trying. I just hate the happy family he is giving up just so he can drink. Thanks so much for your very kind words.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003

Your husband has a very serious, life-threatening, and progressive disease.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002

I am so sorry you are having to go thru this.

Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Trust me - you have a right to be angry. This disease has destroyed your happy home and your relationship with someone you care about. I am told, "hate the disease, not the person." You would not be normal if you didn't feel angry! However, in time, letting go means letting go of the anger as well. It will take time.... and work. You already have a handle on things intellectually. Now it needs to get to your heart. Keep taking steps to take care of yourself. Counseling, Al-Anon, sharing here.... You may be 65, but in my mind, you still have many years of enjoying life ahead of you. Sixty five is not "old" anymore! There are still many wonderful days and blessings that lie ahead of you - one day at a time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004

Thanks to all of you for the good advice and suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
I am glad you feel some comfort coming here - it is a process to get to the other side, but in time - you will.
god bless,
Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001

I have never been married to an alcoholic so don't have the years invested that you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2006

Hi Tootie,

Could you say more about how your husband had short term memory loss? My husband constantly complains that I have not told him things that I have definitely told him. He is 60 but I suspect he has been drinking heavily for 20 years.

My situation is a little bit different because I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2004
I am so sorry for what you are going through too. Hopefully, in the not to distant future we will have come to terms with our loss and be able to live happy, fulling lives. My husband's memory loss started about 6 years ago. We though it was because he had had a heart attack in his late 40s and there was lack of oxygen to the brain. His cardiologist said no as we would have noticed the memory loss right away. It was a few years after that he started forgetting. It was just minor memory lapses at first, then it got worse and worse. I have seen him go to the grocery store and have to come back to the house twice because he forgot his list. He can remember two things to do but not three. He doesn't remember some of the things from our past either...also, people he has met before. We can have a conversation and then in a week or two he has forgotten it. When we were at the beach, two weeks before he left, he would go up to the room to bring down some things my friend and I wanted, and by the time he got up to the room, he would forget what they were. When we got our taxes back last year, I could not get him to understand why we had to pay more even though I explained it over and over. He is just acting so strange, let his hair grow very long, he thinks he is so cute now (and he is). I'm sure in time and for the fact that he is having a late midlife crisis he will be meeting him some cute young thing, but I keep telling myself she will be the one that will have to be putting up with his alcohol abuse. I can't believe how this has affected us all. Feel like my life is over but hope that passes. I wish you the best. Let me know how you are.

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