Can trust be rebuilt?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Can trust be rebuilt?
6
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 10:48am
Hi, I'm not feeling good today. I feellike it will be a long road to trusting my BF again. I've been doing more research on the drug Suboxone. Yes, this is a recovery drug and nit one meant to get high. So, on the one hand it was his recovery that he was hiding from me, which is not quite the same as hiding drug use.... nevertheless he lied to me. ...on several occasions to cover up what he was doing. It isn't exactly the same but it still feels the same. Make sense?

He says a LOT of things but now I don't trust him. He says he got clean and on this recovery so that he would be ready to start a relationship. He says he was handling it and doing the right thing. He says what he was doing did not affect me. He says he's sorry he lied but now that he has come clean, what's the bog deal.

He confessed two weeks ago. Yet in that time I've caught him lying to me still. When I first found out, before I knew about suboxone, I told him he should get off of it. At that time I thought a drug was a drug and it wasn't different. So, he agreed. But a couple days layer he was calling his friends and looking to get this drug. I confronted him and said ok, after some research, this isn't a bad drug, if you want to stay on it, fine. He said, yes, he wants to stay on it. I encouraged him to find a doctor and get his own script.... not buying it from his friends, etc. He looked into that option but says it's too expensive to see a doctor.

At this time, he explained how he was getting it... Not off the street like I had imagined but at a pharmacy. His friend calls it on and he picks it up.

His second lie, was that he picked up 6 tablets. By my calculation this should last 12 days.... but about 4 days later he started complaining that he was about to run out. And that his "friend" would be unavailable for twenty days. (got arrested for driving on suspended). So BF said, looks like I'll have to get off suboxone now. I said, back up... how could you be out already? My fear was he was using more than he claimed... He hemmed and hawed and wanted me to drop it... but I didn't. I knew he was hiding something still.

Finally he said, he gave a few to his friend... but when the truth finally all came out, he SOLD a few to his friend. Woopty. I don't know why he felt he had to hide tha tfrom me. He says to me, you accuse me and put me on the defensive. Why can't you let me handle it. I said, if you will be fully honest, I wouldn't have to keep probing you. Aye aye. I'm frustrated and hurt.

I told him we need to rebuild trust and it may take a long time. I forgive but now I question everything he says.... It's as if he makes a cover story for everything he "thinks" I don't want to hear.... And I want him to respect me enough to be honest and let ne judge for myself. Sigh. I have little faith that he will ...

But at this point, I'm still willing to try... I asked him to have patience as I learn to trust him again... and maybe I can't but it will be one day at a time. If he is unwilling then the end of our relationship is near.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feelhurt and betrayed. Confused and afraid of what to do next. I pray for wisdom and strength.

Lil Peper
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 11:50am

Lil Peper,

I don't mean to be harsh, but you are never going to be able to trust this man if he continues to lie to you. Suboxone is a recovery drug, when prescribed by a doctor and taken as directed. According to www.suboxone.com medication guide.pdf SUBOXONE is a controlled substance (CIII) because it contains buprenorphine, which can be a target for people who abuse prescription medicines or street drugs. Keep your SUBOXONE in a safe place to protect it from theft. Never give your SUBOXONE to anyone else; it can cause death or otherwise harm them. Selling or giving away this medicine is against the law. Your boyfriend is maybe in his own form of recovery, but he is breaking the law. Further evidence of that is that ClassIII meds have to be signed for at Pharmacies and you have to show id.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 2:15pm
I hope that starts today... and I hope that if the lies do continue that I gave the strength to do what I need to do....

And if it does come to kicking him out, please pray that he goes quietly and respectfully.

He has said he does not have access to the drug and therefore will be forced to go off of it. Hope this is true.

Nevertheless, not my will but God's will

Lil Pepper
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 3:41pm
I need strength and resolve. Just got off the phone with BF... at least he was honest... He said, "I feel like I need the suboxone. Would you be mad if I called "friend" to see if he can get me some"...

I was calm (for a change) and gave him my honest opinion... that he is addicted to suboxen and isn't using it as part of his "recovery"... I encouraged him to call help lines or search the Internet ... that there is help.

I feel the strength within me rising. Thanks to my higher power. If he can't do it on the level and continues to seek an illegal route, then I will need to break it off. Oh, help me have the strength. One day at a time.

Lil Pepper


Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Mon, 03-07-2011 - 4:35pm

I think that if he is to recovery, you are right, he needs to do it the legal, medical way. Going on or off any prescription can be dangerous, and he is flirting side effects.

I hope he chooses the right path.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 7:57pm

Your boyfriend reminds me of my son which is not a good thing.

He is manipulating you now...asking permission for something he is going to do anyway.

He is lying and absolutely using this "recovery" drug as a way to get high.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Fri, 03-11-2011 - 9:54am
Thanks. I feel my mind turning to mush as more and more thus is all I can think about. And it is not a good feeling.

I've been calling doctors on the list I got from EAP. Some were wrong numbers or had no availability. That is discouraging too. So I call the help lines to have someone to talk to.

I've given my boyfriend 30 days and I'll assess the situation at that time. How serious he is about recovery and therapy. How truthful he is now that the cat is out of the bag. I'll assess the relapse risk. I need prayer, strength, and wisdom.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Lil Pepper