Friend of an alcoholic - new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Friend of an alcoholic - new here
8
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 9:26am

One of my closest friends has been spiriling into alcoholism for a couple of years now. I feel very guilty because until recently I didn't realize how bad her drinking was. She has always been a binge type drinker. She uses social occasions to drink heavily and we all kind of just assumed that was her personality. She was more outgoing and fun (to a point). I drink very seldom and often go home early so I missed most of her bad behavior. Over the last few years it has escalated until every time a group of us get together our girlfriend got completely wasted. It made regular occasions when we just wanted to go out for a dinner etc.. into a spectacle. I have spoken to her about it - said stuff like " You drink too much and I am worried" & "What about your kids".. She just kind of fluffs it off. How do you deal with an alcoholic dependent adult who's not willing to admit any bad behavior. She does drink when she's alone at home but just a glass or 2 of wine. I found that out by questioning her son. However she likes to "pop" in on people and have a party. We live somewhat in the country so she rarely does that to me but I know it has happened to other people. If you confront her about her behavior she just says I know but it really wasn't that bad. She said yesterday when I saw her that her kids over blow the situation and she's fine blah blah blah..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2006
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 1:45pm

Unfortunately she will not get any better unless she is willing to admit she has a problem.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 5:18pm

Your husband is right that she will not get help until she sees that there is a problem. You are right that cutting her off seems harsh. You could try (see if it works) seeing her,

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 6:07pm
Beth is absolutely right. Just let her know that you will be her friend and meet with her, but drinking with you around is out of the question. Again, I can not say enough good things about alanon. This might give you a good insite as to what the disease of alcoholism does to family, friends, bosses, and anyone else that comes in contact with us. It is a disease that is not confined to the person doing the drinking. Keep us informed on what you choose to do and how your friend is doing.
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2005
Fri, 02-25-2011 - 6:25pm

it's hard to know someone spiraling into such a distressing situation. I'm sorry that I don't have any answers for you, but as a person dealing with a similar situation, I can completely understand your feelings. I'm posting here to let you know that you're not alone in this horrible confusing world.

My brother-in-law is heavy into alcohol, as well as numerous other substances. he has been to jail and

enter siggy here

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Fri, 02-25-2011 - 9:37pm

Hi Angel

How can we help YOU?

Addictions stink! I am sorry about your BIL. It is so difficult dealing with people who are addicted. I am a recovering alcoholic, and I know that I put alcohol above everyone. Difficult truth. but it is the truth. Now, thank heavens, I am not the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sat, 02-26-2011 - 3:38am

I have a friend that is an Alocoholic and coke addict for 20 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2011
Tue, 03-01-2011 - 3:12pm

I can relate to your concern.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 03-03-2011 - 11:46am

..Hi, I'm Monica...a recovering wine drinker...it'll be 3 years this coming October...Beth and Brenda are giving you good advice...be her friend as long as she's sober...as soon as she drinks, leave...don't invite her to your house so that you don't have to deal with asking her to leave while she's drinking...follow through...if you don't think you can follow through (even when it's embarrassing or inconvenient) then I wouldn't associate with her...but, I'd be up front...if she's anything like me (lets hope she's not) that one or 2 glasses of wine is actually a bottle or two but she's hiding the true amount...I challenge your idea that she's been a great friend...no way...alcoholics are terrible friends...she may have been at one time and if so...now, it's your turn...let her know...good luck...