GOD HELP ME!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2012
GOD HELP ME!!!!
8
Sun, 01-08-2012 - 8:23pm

I have been with my husband for over 15 years...have 2 kids...I have been effected by the economy therefore I am not bringing any income and was the bread winner...we downsized a year ago and got through it! Here is the problem...husband is an alcoholic...I am about to lose my mind!! Has been for 11 years now....long story short...I have a plan...I am working on some deals and if they close I can support me and the kids...if not I move out when school is over because I can not keep living like this! I will have to move in with my sister and a different town and disrupt the kids lives but if there are no other options than that is where I am at....what bothers the HELL out of me is I am 40 he is a year older....everyone we ever know and run into tells him how pretty I am and he has a hot wife blah blah blah...does he not reallize or worry that perhaps I will meet someone else??? I have been sleeping on the sofa now for almost 8 years..clearly I am not sleeping in the bed with him that would be gross!!! Yes we have had our knock down drag outs and I now know I do not have the magic words to make him stop....I do know I should not hate him but hate the disease but God help me I hate him!!! I hate all that his drinking has done.....I guess my question would be would it be wrong of me to say done...over it ...not looking back...divorce....I just find myself thinking...dreaming of what it would be like to be with someone for some attention!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Mon, 01-16-2012 - 9:52pm

I am going to the library tomorrow to see if they carry that book....at this point I am over it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 9:24am

oh; My heart is breaking for you. I am not you and I would most likely move in with your sister as soon as I could and yes going to AlAnon and counseling would be a step in the right direction.

I live with

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 8:05pm

You are NOT horrible in thinking and feeling the things that you are thinking and feeling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2012
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 10:43am

al anon....I guess I feel like part of me is in overdrive to do damage control! The mom in me says fix it quickly!! But it's true no matter how "normal" I act I still have this wall up of looking over my shoulders...etc. And that is not normal nor does it feel normal!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sun, 01-08-2012 - 11:06pm
What kind of meeting are you and the children going to?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 01-08-2012 - 9:40pm

One more thing..you don't have to argue in front of the kids...when you are "off".....they sense it...and I heard from a psychologist lately...that when something is "off" in the house...KIDS internalize the feeling...they THINK they are causing the mood.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2012
Sun, 01-08-2012 - 9:30pm

WOW THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I so needed to hear all of that!! I read it....walked away...read it again...walked away...and read it again!! I needed to make sure I did not miss any word or any meanings! I wanted to make sure I took in everthing you were saying and clearly you are correct!!!!

I can not thank you enough! Sometimes when you are "in" it you do not see so clearly due to the emotional roller coaster! It is hard to step outside of the box to look in!

I don't argue in front of the kids because I know that does no good but I KNOW the way he is going around the house is not exceptable!! So the kids are going to see something one way or another...half one way 6 another...I looked up meeting for me and the kids and the church near by that has them. So on Sat. the kids and I will be going! My younger one is 7 and has no clue...but that is only a matter of time and my 11 year old is very aware...I try so hard to keep things normal but as you pointed out...I don't want my kids to think this type of life is "normal"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 01-08-2012 - 8:34pm

Normal..you are NORMAL.

Missy