I have a question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
I have a question
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 12:53pm

Sometimes, what I hear in al-anon is contradictory, or maybe I'm just interpreting it wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 3:27pm

I think that's an interesting question. I don't think it's controlling... it's your prescription and you can do with it what you want. One thought that comes to mind is when it comes to children, parents are told to keep the meds out of their reach and lock em up. But when it comes to adults, we shouldn't have to treat them like children. That brings up a boundary and trust issue. A healthy adult does NOT take medication that was not prescribed to you. period. If I can't trust a grown adult to follow that law, then what should the consequence/boundary be? I lock it up/ keep out of anyone else's reach? perhaps. Suppose I didn't and left it in the medicine cabinet. Do I count the pills to make sure no one else is taking it? hmm, i don't like that idea, personally. I'd prefer to lock/hide it away. that is if it's my medication. It is was his and i'm regulating it for him so he doesnt take more than prescribed... THAT is too controlling.

I'm not sure if I've helped.... but i am dealing with that same thing too. When i get prescriptions, i keep it in my purse and have told DF NOT to take my medication. And if he did, it would be a deal breaker! My boundary would be that i need distance from that person until i can trust them NOT to take my medication.

make sense? those are my thoughts.

lil pepper

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 6:57pm
Beth, each person has different experiences with pain meds. I used pain pills when I was drinking, and, for the first 5 years, I made sure that I did not keep them where I had complete access. I made sure I was accountable to someone when I had pain and needed one. I had 2 major surgeries in this time and it was very important to me not to lose my sobriety just because "If one is good, then two or more is better." Today, at almost 15 years, I have had a lot more surgeries....7 plastic surgeries to repair my face from skin cancer, a liver transplant, and another on my arm from skin cancer. I could not have done those without pain meds. I have great support around me and, today, since I do apply what I have learned in AA, I dont pay attention to the pills. I usually have to throw them out because they expire. I also know that if I do not keep doing the daily things for my sobriety, I will need to place them with someone else again for safekeeping. So what you are hearing is the experience of each person sharing. Each has a different, yet the same, eperience. When we listen, we learn. And when the time comes, we can apply what we learn, no matter whos experience we learn from. Since I have had both experiences, one of letting someone else care for my meds, and me taking responsiblity myself, it truly depended on where I was in my thinking, acting and ability to live certain principles. Thank God for the people that love me and help me thru those times I can not figure things out for myself. No time is wasted when we are learning. Ask if he wants help in being responsible or not. If he says no...and then uses....then no matter of controling will stop him from using. If he does want help, then he is taking responsibility for the knowledge that he might feel a weak moment while recouperating. That is understandable too. Common sense must guide a lot of our decisions. Common sense comes from knowledge. Knowledge comes from listening and learning how others have handled it. I hope this makes sense to you....sometimes I even confuse me. Thanks for reading this. God bless....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 8:31am

Hi! I think the answer lies is why we are doing things. Putting things away so that a problem doesn't start is different than counting the pills. My oldest daughter has migraine meds-pain killers. We keep those on a higher shelf than the regular meds. I know they are there, but they aren't in our faces 24x7, so I don't even think about them most of the time. Preventative, if you understand what I mean.

My mother in law has wine in her refrigerator. When my FIL was alive he would make a big deal about taking it out and hiding it when we were over. Trust issue and insulting....

Major difference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 10:50am
Check your motives - were you doing for him, or were you doing it to be in control? Really, the answer lies within yourself. I have had surgery several times in recent years and I gave my DH the pain meds to give to me as prescribed. As a recovering alcoholic, I know that pills are part of my addiction. I have had too many friends that were lead to a relapse by thinking they could control their meds on their own. The bottom line is that if your husband wants to drink or use - he will. Regardless of whether you hide pills or not - he will find a way to get them from somewhere else. Hope this helps clarify things... just my thoughts.