I think my husband is an alcoholic and I need help and need to know who to talk to, where to go....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
I think my husband is an alcoholic and I need help and need to know who to talk to, where to go....
5
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 4:14am

Hi, I've posted here before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002

I'm going to give the obvious recommendation.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997

Hi, I am Beth, one of the community leaders here. I am an alcoholic, but have been in recovery a long time. Your husband seems to have a problem with drinking and seems to be telling you what he thinks you want so you will stop asking him. No, that last part didn't mean ANY of this is your fault, it isn't at all. You didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't sure it. The first thing you have to do is move money you need to live from the joint account to one without his name on it. You need to get bills paid. The next thing you have to do it get help for yourself. AlAnon, a clergy person, a therapist, trusted friends, us, we are going to be support for you.

Please write back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003

I am so sorry that you are in so much pain.

I am Leslie, also a recovering alcoholic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
I have an appointment with a counselor next week because my anxiety has been at like a 9 out of 10. I talked to his sister about this and she said she thinks it's a problem too. She said he's been drinking heavily for years... Even in high school (she said he and his brothers would do shots in the morning before school) i Became even more stressed with that! Now that my stress level is so high I get so upset when I talk to him and he's hanging out with people having beers. All the people he is associating with are drinkers. I was honest when we were engaged because I saw him drinking most I the days of the week in the month before he left for the navy and I knew he smoked cigarettes occasionally. I told him I can't be with a smoker and I told him I was concerned about the alcohol but he said he knows his mom is an alcoholic and he thinks everything is ok and that he was just hanging out with friends relaxing but that he is totally aware of his alcohol consumption and doesn't feel he must drink to feel normal. I believed him and thought that he meant he had this under conteol. He's smoking too. I just feel that so much is a lie. He doesn't seem to think that my concerns mean very much.... I asked him about the smoking and he said he isnt addicted he just likes it bur only does it rarely. Now is that a problem with being an alcoholic or is that another issue? I love him but honestly I don't know what to think. He also says he loves drinking and loves being buzzed. Now that I've brought these things up a few times if I say a word about it he gets so angry at me. So now I don't even know if I should talk to him. The day after the fight I posted about I told him I'm concerned about his health and don't want him to get himself in trouble with the military and that I want us to have a happy healthy and honest marriage. Does he not see these things as lies? This distance isnt helping. I talk to him on the phone often and he sounds so strange sometimes. But he few times I've asked if he's been drinking he gets defensive and says no. But during that fight we had he says he drinks every day and then the next Day he said he drinks every day to unwind. Ok sorry I'm rambling. I feel like I'm going crazy. I drink like maybe once a month max. I don't want a drink every day. I don't want my husband I have a drink every day. I told him this.... So why did he marry me?
Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Hi and welcome to the board. I am glad to see you asking questions. One thing I am going to recommend before seeing the councelor next week is to reread your original post...then read the replys you received. Then read this last post again. The two posts are the same. You are driving yourself over the edge asking the same questions even after you have gotten feedback. I know you are in pain, but when we make a cycle of it, we are hurting ourselves more than we need to. This is a good example of the insanity of our actions when trying to deal with an active alcoholic. The active alcoholic puts us on the defensive when there is nothing we have to defend. Its hard for a non addicted person to understand this behavior. Alanon gives us tools to help US. It wont change them, but it sure does help US. I am an alcoholic and I totally understand today what I used to do to the hearts of those that loved me, even though I truly did not get it when I was active. After finding sobriety for myself, I had to attend Alanon to learn how to understand and live happily around the alcoholics that were still in my life. Today, I am still dealing with alcohol in the lives of family members and thank God for Alanon. That is my solution to being able to live happily in this world with ALL folks...even the addicted family members without giving up myself. Let us know how your visit with the councelor goes...and keep posting. Hopefully, we can help you find a way to a happier, healthier way of thinking and dealing with the insanity you are finding yourself in. God bless....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP