Is it him or is it me, or the alcohol?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Is it him or is it me, or the alcohol?
5
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 12:16pm

I just don't know anymore.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 12:58pm

Alcohol is a family disease. We alcoholics spread it to our loved ones. You don't need to drink to catch it from us!

This is from http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

How do alcoholics affect families and friends?

Alcoholism is a family disease. The disease affects all those who have a relationship with a problem drinker. Those of us closest to the alcoholic suffer the most, and those who care the most can easily get caught up in the behavior of another person. We react to the alcoholic's behavior. We focus on them, what they do, where they are, how much they drink. We try to control their drinking for them. We take on the blame, guilt, and shame that really belong to the drinker. We can become as addicted to the alcoholic, as the alcoholic is to alcohol. We, too, can become ill.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 7:38pm
Hi merriweathercat,
All you see is his alcohol abuse because all you see is him abusing alcohol...LOL (not funny, I know). But, what is funny is how an alcoholic can TWIST everything. The reason he is twisting everything is to PROTECT his feelings about his "right" to drink. He has all these problems..you have the same problems and you don't drink. Yes, you are losing him to a deadly progressive disease. And when he retires...if he doesn't stop drinking he will quicly decline because he will have MORE time to drink. It doesn't sound like he knows alot about alcoholism because you said he is wanting you to help him. You can't help him. He has to become sick and tired of drinking...or something bad has to happen. Does he drive drunk? It will be likely when he is retired that he drinks more often and then gets into a car accident...Maybe that will be his "bottom". I'm sure you have heard about the bottoms. If not...it is a point that an alcoholic has to get to to WANT to stop drinking. Just because he is a good talker, do not let him convince you that you that you are have ANYTHING to do with his problem. This is (IMO), a hereditary thing..he would have drank if he married Princess Di. I did not read your other post yet...but I browsed it and you said something about being to old to leave him....NO, you are never to OLD to take care of yourself. It will be difficult because you would be leaving something...that is somewhat comfortable....but you don't want to live out the rest of your retirement years being miserable either. How I quit...I have 5 years sobriety. Everyone finally left me alone...refused to fight back with me or associate with me when I was drinking. If you are afraid to move out...You can seperate while you live there...start finding things to do....let him drink himself to the point he can't function...When he wants to fight...hold back, go out, go to the mall..do something do not engage in the insanity. You did not create this insanity (alcohol abuse did)...and you can not fix it. You are not pouring liquor down his throat so you are not the cause. If he can finally accept that this is a disease and he needs treatment...he may get better someday. So, if you try to find some hobbies or other people to talk to....than...you will not be trapped in his world and he will be there alone. He will either decide to stay there and literally die an early death. Or he will decide to get better. Disconnect from him...even if you can't do it physically. He will go downhill fast...and like I said...he will either wake up and want to get better...or NOT.
Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Thu, 02-24-2011 - 1:47pm

You do know how strong you are don't you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 02-27-2011 - 8:10pm

Thank you merri....you are strong as well....we all have strength in us...it sometimes takes something awful or hard to bring it OUT of us.

Have you done anything for yourself lately?

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 02-28-2011 - 9:24pm

Merri,

I could have written this exact same post!