Is this just a stage? Should I keep trying?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Is this just a stage? Should I keep trying?
5
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 1:08am

I just came upon this forum and would love to get some outsider opinions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 5:34am

...I have no idea if he'll grow out of it...anyone that answers you in a concrete either way is guessing at best...what I do know is that you have to set boundaries...if I were you, the next time he climbed up on to my balconey, I'd call the police...I can't believe your neighbors haven't called them...I think you should tell your neighbors that you've broken up with him and no one, absolutely no one, should be climbing on your balconey at any time...

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Mon, 05-09-2011 - 5:59am

Hello and welcome! I agree with Monica, I can't tell you if he is going to stop. I can tell you that he drinks a lot and when he drinks he can't be trusted to keep his word. I can also tell you that not everyone in college drinks. Even when I was in college-drinking like a fish- at a university often voted the #1 party public college in America- I knew that not everyone in school drinks. Additionally, by the age of 24, my husband was already

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 10:06am

There is a chance he may grow out of it, but from my experience with my ex alcoholic bf, he did not and eventually this binge drinking lifestyle took him to his grave at age 37.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 9:28pm
Thanks for all the replies on this and i'm very sorry for the delay. There's a lot of insight here. For some of those questions - he started college late so that's why he's still there and he lives at home with his parents and they're on the outskirts of the city, so that's partly the problem as well. He can't get all the way out there (well he could, I suppose 'chooses not to' because cabs are too expensive would be a better way to phrase that). He was gone on a school year end trip (a class requirement) this last few weeks and I think being apart from me and me telling him that I was very uncertain that we would stay together hit him hard. But I'm really not sure hard enough. When he came home he was trying and saying everything under the sun to get me to try again. I was very hesitant but I think we're going to. Honestly though, I just have such strong doubts and I really think I might be making a big mistake here. But, if it should happen again, I will cut off all content entirely. The last times I've continued texting/calling, etc - answering him and it keeps bringing us together. It's hard because when he's sober he can get to me easily because I love him like that...but when he's drunk, it's a whole other ball game. I am really starting to think that perhaps finding a boyfriend who just doesn't drink maybe better, but they are so hard to find (glad to hear you found one though Deb!). I think partly too, and this is horrible to say but I do tend to cling onto this relationship for fear of finding something else. It's horrible to say but I hate the thought of dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2012
Mon, 01-16-2012 - 7:30pm
I'm not gonna claim to know what he will do BUT I married my H when I was 23 & he was 25 and thought we still were "party drinkers". I went out too so I didn't see the real problem. Then I did. And it was 2 kids later. 9 years into this I'm a basket case and looking back, I remember talking to him (before our wedding) and telling him I thought he drank too much. I didn't listen to my gut and I should've.