Life now a soap opera

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2008
Life now a soap opera
Sat, 03-05-2011 - 2:06am

I have always had a non-dramatic life, but not anymore, and I don't know how to deal with it.

I have dealt with my husbands addictions- drugs and gambling- off and on the whole time we've been together. 24 years. He went through rehab a long time ago. He's been hard to get along with for a while and I had enough so I told him he needed to move out. I suspected he was doing meth again. He's been on prescription pain killers for a few years and I know he abused those from time to time.

He came clean to me tonight- told me he was on meth again- and is on his way to his sister's to go to rehab (hopefully). She is a Physician's Assistant and I trust her to try to help him get help. I don't think I want to stay married to him. As if this wasn't enough...

My 21 year old daughter lived in a bigger city 300 miles away. She recently was fired from her job and decided to come home for a while. She met a guy here, I was sure that was the main reason. My husband told her that he was using again and was going to rehab and she said "While you're coming clean, Dad..." She told him she's been doing heroin and this is the main reason she is coming home, to get away from it. He did tell me, but told my daughter she needs to tell me, as well. She's on her way to town now but will be living with a friend. This friend does not do drugs at all, I know this for sure.

I have dealt with my husband's addictions and I'm done. I have no idea how to deal with my daughter's addiction. None at all. I never thought one of my kids would be an addict.

What do I do if she doesn't tell me? How do I know if she's still using? There's alot of meth in this town, but I'm sure she can find heroin too if she wants it. She absolutely shuts down if she doesn't want to talk about something. It seems so much different since it's my daughter instead of my husband. I don't feel as responsible for him.

I am planning on going to a counseling service that is available though my job. I don't think there is a Nar-Anon group in my town- and I don't really like 12 step programs anyway. I have absolutely no support system. I am trying to just hold it together for my 17 year old son. He doesn't know about any of this.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 03-05-2011 - 7:19am


Welcome and I hope we can help support you. I know what I am going to say will sound harsh. The best help you can give your daughter is your best wishes, a meal whenever you want to, and treat her like your ADULT daughter. She is your child, but she is an adult. Under no circumstances give her cash or expensive gifts that can be turned back in or sold, you don't want her using the cash for more herion.

I would also look for a counselor. Someone who can help YOU because this is making your head spin. The counselor may know of a group for parents of addicts.

Keep us posted!

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Sat, 03-05-2011 - 9:52am
I absolutely agree with Beth. My prayers are with you and your family thru this. Let us know how you are doing. God bless.....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sat, 03-05-2011 - 5:06pm

I am glad you are thinking about counseling - for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 7:38pm

Some advice because I am living thru this type of situation now.