Mothers Day - How do you cope?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Mothers Day - How do you cope?
10
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 9:59pm

Hi,

Never been on this board - was on the relationship boards several years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 12:20am
Wish I had words to heal your pain... My son turned 22 yesterday in prison. It's hard. <<< I will tell you about my friend, whose son was a meth addict. He became homeless, called incessantly for money, help, etc. She told me it was the hardest thing in the world to hang up the phone on him each time. One day he called for a different kind of help. Within a few months of rehab, he was off meth, got his wife and kids back, got a good job. And stayed straight. It can happen. But I believe it wouldn't have happened if she'd begun giving him money again. <<< My son wasn't in that situation. He had a good job, just bought a new pickup, was living good when he got busted last time. I was blindsided. >>>> I'm not stressing about Mother's Day.. he's coming home in 2 weeks and seems to have a new attitude. I hope it sticks. << I wish the best for you and your son. It's hard.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 9:21am
Thanks for your note. I am going to try to be more optimistic.
Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 9:32am
It is truly hard. I was that thankless child. I never remembered to call home to say Happy Mother's Day, Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, etc. I had two children and my mother raised them. I lost my mom when she was 69. I NEVER was able to tell her how sorry I am about the pain I caused her. Being sober today, I can see that. I was able to finally be the daughter my dad always wanted at the end of his life. I hope you dont wait as long as my parents did for me to realize how much I loved them. When alcohol and drugs take over, that is our priority. Until and unless we find that moment of clarity, we might never know or understand our parents love for us. They always love us and are just torn by their inability to help us. My mom prayed daily for me. The only way I can deal with what I have done is to know that I AM that sober woman today that my mom would have wanted for me. I also have the ability to talk to someone else who is going thru the throes of addiction like I did and hopefully, win their trust in order to help them maintain sobriety. I know I am not helping you much right now, but please know that I can and do sponsor young people and help them find their way back into their loving families arms before it becomes too late for them to tell mom how much they love her. Maybe there is someone out there that can do that for your son. Live your life each day. Pray for him, but do not spend your time waiting.....when its time, it will happen for both of you. Alanon can be a big release for you. No two meetings are the same, so try different meetings till you find your fit. Keep the faith that YOUR life is good and you are proving it by living each day to the fullest. This life is only what we make it, so make it happy, no matter what is happening around you. Keep posting. Let us know how you are doing. God bless....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 5:24pm

Just sending you love and prayers

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 9:12pm

Our kids in this condition.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 8:09pm
If you didn't like the Al-Anon meetings you went to, you might want to try some different ones. Like AA, some meetings are just for women and some are just for men. If you are not willing to give Al-Anon another try, I would suggest some counseling to help you through this. "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it."
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 8:31pm

Hello everyone,

Been gone awhile, sorry I have not responded to your well thought out, concerned responses.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 8:06am

Dianne, if you have time, why don't you see about volunteering with underprivileged kids. No, they aren't yours and no, they won't take his place, but wow, they sure could use the love you have to give. They may help the lost and depressed feeling. You, by the way, have every right to grieve.

Hugs to you,

Beth

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Sun, 10-09-2011 - 6:20pm

Maybe I should.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Mon, 10-10-2011 - 7:40am

Literacy volunteers are great. If you live near a big hospital, they may take volunteers for pediatric wards. If people are just too much right now to handle, volunteer at your local animal shelter.

Let us know.

Hugs