My 17 year old daughter got caught trying to be a drug dealer. I'd like her out of my house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
My 17 year old daughter got caught trying to be a drug dealer. I'd like her out of my house.
14
Fri, 01-21-2011 - 2:48pm

Two Sundays ago my 17 year old dependent daughter stole $500 from purses of the choir while at CHURCH.

The next day she used $140 of it to by buy drugs from a supplier (weed). She bagged it up for sale.

On Tuesday she took these bags to school (to sell). She put them in her locker. On the same day her locker was searched. Not only was weed found, but a travel coffee mug full of rum and a cigarette. She is suspended w/ recommendation for expulsion. It will certainly happen. Police are involved, the security department at church is involved. One lady is missing $300; if she presses charges its a felony.

A little history... My DD has stolen for as long as I remember. The first event that stands out was in 4th grade or so. She stole a classmates pen (apparently it was a special pen). My DD denied it and was pissed to even be accused (tears and the whole 9 yards). Half the class came forward as witnesses. Ultimately she confessed and turned over the pen. She showed no remorse and her apology was fake. Same pattern since then. It continues from there: $100's from my wallet over the years, jewelry (from our home), my credit card ($400 was charged), clothes, money from her grandmother (my mother), money from friend's homes she visits, shoplifting, other valuables, liquor, her sisters brand new Nintendo DS, a few cell phones (had to go to court for one), iPhones, etc. She has even stolen from church before (cell phone, iTouch and head phones). I have to lock all my stuff up as best as I can. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I cannot toss my wallet on my dresser and walk away, even at night when I sleep. I have to walk around with it 24-7. She has stolen a bike from Target. I could go on and on. And each time she denies it, lies to you, and get's a very rude attitude for the accusation. Then eventually we find out the truth. She boo-hoo's and blames us for her acting out.

Anyway, I cannot have a thief and a drug dealer in my house I have two small children (2 and 7). Oh, and she uses (even in the house). My DD has been in some sort of drug treatment (even a day program) for 6 months. Various forms. She had a drug test last week which she failed. She skips school often and her grades suck. She has been in some form of therapy for 6 years.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
This really hit home with me. I'm sorry to tell you I am 46 now...I was your daughter...and I started doing the things she is doing at around 17 as well. I never ended up in jail...well, actually I did for a day for shoplifting...but I did turn into an alcoholic...and I continued to drink for 24 years. Before you mentioned the alcohol treatment center for your daughter, I was thinking THAT SHE SHOULD BE PUT IN TREATMENT. I realize it is expensive and I also realize that it may not help. We as humans go down our own paths and the "good" influences around us when we are troubled...don't seem to matter. Some of us, have to learn the hard way. I was kicked out when I was 18..because I had a little siter that was 3 and another sister that was 15.....that seems to be the only other choice. My parents were right where you are and they chose to try and save the other children. Both my sisters....who I had no influence on because I didn't see them for years...are currently alcoholics. My boyfriend tried the rehab with his son when his son was 17 and his son does not abuse alcohol now.. I don't know if the rehab "got in him time" or if he was going to not turn into an alcoholic anyway. My boyfriend has 22 years sober...I have 5. When my parents kicked me out....I learned alot fast..but I still purchased alcohol and was drunk whenever I could get drunk. I guess what I am trying to tell you is that no matter what you chose to do...your daughter is going to do what she wants (in my opinion). I will say when I look back...I wish that my parents had loved me no matter what and had not kicked me out...I went thru alot of things and should not be alive today. But, EVEN if they had NOT kicked me out in my opinion I would have kept abusing alcohol and drugs until I was READY to stop. Is this problem in your family? Other alcoholics or people addicted to drugs? Grandparents...etc. I don't want the answer...its just something to evaluate. These addictions are hereditary..this does not sound like a teenager acting out...this sounds like a teenager who has a substance abuse problem. Can you afford a 1 on 1 counselor for her? One that is experienced with drug and alcohol addiction? One who can maybe explain to her what happens to drug addicts and alcoholics. I loved my counselor when I was her age...he was the only one that listened to me....and didn't judge me....However, when I was kicked out...I had to stop seeing him because I could not afford it. I think that would be the cheapest way out for you and if she gets a good one...they could maybe convince her to get into a program...and they seem to have the connections...to find the free or less expensive ones. Car jackers and bank robbers may go to jail because they never had therapy to understand themselves or never had that 3rd party to listen to them. I could never talk to my parents. And even if I could I don't know if I would have "listened" to them. But, I did listen to a therapist that I trusted...and we even had a couple of sessions with my parents and we were getting somewhere....until I did the last thing...got dropped off on the front lawn...totally sleeping...and my parents were sick and tired of it...put my clothes in bags...when i woke up....I saw them and I was not allowed back in the house...I have turned out well...I have a great job...my own house....and I finally recovered from alcoholism...I wish the same for your daughter...she so spookly like me.
Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003

You are in a very difficult situation - no doubt about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In my state the police won't come to help you throw your minor child out of the house for something like refusal of alcohol treatment. They will take them to jail for more serious things, like what happened in our case.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

...wow, I don't know what to say...she's very troubled...sheesh...you're right, she does not need to be around (or the element she associates with) your youngest children...geez...I'll be thinking about you and your whole family...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

Leslie, the police won't tell an adult child to leave with eviction processes followed...they will not remove this minor child for refusing treatment...I'm at a loss, I really am...what I think will happen is: she will live there until she turns 18, he will have her evicted (if his wife supports it) and that will end a little of it...if his wife does not support him, I think he might need to end the marriage and remove his small children from this situation while the wife allows the daughter to spiral...sheesh...

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997

Please have the lawyer for your daughter contact the DA and see if a deal can be reached whereby she is forced into psychiatric and drug treatment in lieu of jail. That may be a solution. Different states have different programs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008

Thanks for sharing.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008
I want to find such a program where she has to work to pay the bill here in the metro DC area.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007

Your welcome....I'm sure my parents loved me....What parent does not love their kids....even step parents...fall in love with other peoples kids...

Its much harder in this culture for the kids to find jobs.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2008

I have a meeting w/ psychiatrist and an attorney soon.

w/r,

OmegaBruh

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