new here, new to helping someone recover :'(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
new here, new to helping someone recover :'(
4
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 7:49am

Hi new here, and just had a very rough night with my SO.

Nadine - deenie1979

jesussig.jpg image by nadine1979

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Welcome to the board...I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this addiction. As you now know, addiction affects everyone around the addict, not just the addict. Angry words are definately our first thought and action. Trouble is, those words do absolutely no good. What I have found to work for more folks is to wait till the anger settles, then make your list of things that are NOT allowed. Drugging in the home, taking family funds to buy drugs, driving while high, etc. are a few you might want to think about. Once those are listed, then set an action if they are not respected. One action is moving out. Another is going to a treatment center. There are others that you might want to include. The most important thing is to stand by your word. If you say that he has to move out if he drugs and drives, then stick to your word. If you say he has to go to treatment if he dips into family money to drug, STICK TO YOUR WORD. If you dont, then you are just uttering empty threats and you get more frustrated and he keeps on doing what he is doing. He has no reason to change if you just threaten and he knows that, given a few days, all will be well in HIS mind again. You might also want to attend a good Nar-Anon group. This is for family and friends of addicts and its a great support and comfort for the people affected. Addicts and alcoholics can make well people sick thru their addictions. Please keep posting. Let us know how you are. Let us know what you are doing and what you find to be working or not working for you. This information can help someone else who finds themself in your shoes. God bless.....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Hi there and welcome. Brenda pretty much said everything and I agree with what she wrote. Getting to some 12-Step meetings (Nar-anon and/or Al-anon) is definitely recommended. You will learn how to deal with your feelings, be with people who totally understand what you are going through, and will learn how to live a good life whether he continues to use or not. He has a very serious disease and although it is not his fault that he has it, it is his responsibility to get help for it. The problem is there is NOTHING you can do to make him stop until he is ready. Sadly, that may never happen... in the meantime, you will have wasted your precious life letting his behavior ruin you! Get help for you - please keep coming back - we are here for you and understand. Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002

I think the most frustrating thing for me when I was in a relationship with an alcoholic was knowing that he didn't care about how I felt, how much he hurt me or how much I cared and loved him.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Deenie - How is it going for you? Would you like to give us an update?