New here, so confused....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
New here, so confused....
3
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 3:33pm

Hello. My name is Shawna and this is my first time here. I'm here because I'm married to a marijuana addict and I'm confused and at my wit's end, and I have no one in real life that I can talk to about it. I'll try to give as much important info as I can w/o totally overwhelming you, lol.

To begin with, I have always been very anti-drug. I have never smoked a puff of anything in my life. Only drink occasionally and started in college. In HS I had 2 boyfriends who quit smoking cigs/chewing tobacco because they knew how I felt about it. (I'm sorry, I don't mean that to sound harsh to those of you who do smoke or whatever.) I met DH in college, but didn't know until after we'd been together almost a year that he was heavy into smoking pot. He promised over and over that he would quit, and has tried, but always goes back to it. He's also a chronic liar. Lies about things that are incredibly stupid to lie about. I married him and had a beautiful little girl with him, knowing that he had this problem. In Oct we will have been together for 9 years.

ok, so fast forward to this week. He came home Tues night (we work opposite shifts), reeking of pot, and I caught him in a lie not only about whether he had smoked or not but also about something else. Refused to talk to him the rest of that night or any other time the rest of the week pretty much until yesterday. Last night we finally talked/fought about it. Turns out he's been smoking pretty much every day for quite awhile and has spent "more than I can even think about" on his habit (no number or estimate, just that comment) while I'm home trying to figure out what expenses we can cut so we can try to save some money, especially since we've been talking about having

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 3:46pm
One more thing to add.... besides the pot, he has a very easily-addicted personality I think. During the times that he's tried to stop smoking long-term, I knew he was drinking and gambling, but not to the extent of it that he admitted to last night. He said he would stay up all night and drink to the point that he would go buy a new bottle of liquor/case of beer so I wouldn't see how often they were being emptied, and/or stay up all night and play online poker, and not even be happy about it when he would win a lot of money, just feel like he had to keep playing....... *sigh*
I feel like no matter what he's always going to be addicted to SOMETHING....
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Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 3:37pm

Hi Shawna...welcome.

Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 9:30pm
Hi there and welcome. Brenda posted that you might want to check out Al-Anon or Narc-Anon. Those organizations are for people in your situation exactly. Living with an active addict/alcoholic can make us crazy - we don't know what to trust, we don't understand how anyone could make those choices, and we want it to STOP! Problem is, we can't do anything about the problem EXCEPT take care of ourselves. If his smoking pot/gambling/drinking is bothering you, then it is a problem. If he thinks he is a better father when he smokes pot then he is truly kidding himself. Not only does he risk losing your daughter if Social Services were to find out he is using illegal drugs (and they will remove your child!) but he is also demonstrating a lack of judgement which could place her in jeopardy when he is alone with her. Addiction, untreated, only gets worse. If he is throwing things now, what will he do next?
Please get help for yourself and for your child. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.