iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 9:48pm

I posted back here in May, when my brother and his girlfriend was going to move in with me. They moved in, he followed the rules, went to church and AA. They got their apartment and life was good. I still seen him 2 times a week, as he only lives 20 minutes away. He would still come out and go to church with us, and seemed like things were going good. Then....

Our Dad has an eye disease, that is going to cause him to go blind. My brother can't handle it, while the rest of us (Dad, Mom, and me) don't let it bother us to bad, it tears him up. He and his GF were fighting a lot. He was stressed at work. so he started to drink. He has been honest with me, on every time he has drank in the past week. His GF left. My father isn't speaking to him. I know I started this off with his excuses, and I don't believe in excuses. But these are the things that he states are causing him to drink.

He keeps on saying "I can't say no" "No one believes in me" "I want to die" "I'm not worth it" "No one lets me show emotion, everyone always thinks I'm drunk" "Dad thinks I'm nothing but a drunk" "Mom called me a drunk"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 8:11am

...I think he drinks because he wants to drink...he may not want all of the bad stuff that goes along with drinking, but he still drinks...your dad's medical issues are convenient...I think that you should pull away and set can't help him...he has to want to stop and then he has to sounds like there is so much drama which can't be good for you, your child, your mother, and your the meantime, your brothers gets to drink and use the drama as another convenient reason to drink...turn his problem over to him and concentrate on you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2002
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 8:55am
He drinks because he is an alcoholic and that is what we do...until and unless WE decide we want to stop. Then we need help to stop. Support from families is wonderful but it will not help the alcoholic to stay stopped. That takes a different kind of support. There are quite a few different ways, but AA was the one that worked for me. It only worked because I was willing to listen to everything and do as the book said. I did not pick and choose what I would and would not do....I did EVERYTHING the book suggested. I got the right results. I would suggest that you trust what the girlfriend tells you. She lived with him and knows more about his actions than the rest of the family. What your dad said is the truth..he is a drunk. A drunk is an untreated alcoholic. Active alcoholics are great liars and manipulators. Trust me on this. I was one and now I hear from others that did the same thing. Alcohol first and family, reputation, jobs, friends all after the booze. The best and most productive way to support him is to take care of you. Please think about attending Al-Anon for the family and friends of alcoholics. This program will teach you so much about yourself and how to be helpful without enabling him. Let us know how YOU are doing. You deserve to have a stable and unchaotic life. God bless....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP