The Rollercoaster Ride

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
The Rollercoaster Ride
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 12:28pm
Gosh, I don't want to get on it.

I found an interesting author, Carole Bennett. I ordered her book "Reclaim Your Life: You and the Alcoholic/Addict"... I feel like it's time for me to delve into reading. anyone else read her work? I found some of her articles online today...

One in particular "The Pyramid of Change". Which talks about the 6 phases the alcoholic/addict goes thru and how this affects the loved one. I could relate to phase 1 and 2 as the suspicion phases where I started to wake up to what was happening. I had to did deep to find the other stages. The article was posted back in Oct 2009 (for anyone interested. sorry I don't have a link at this time)

Anyhow, I went on the rollercoaster with my exh 6 years ago. He was an alcoholic/ crack addict. Getting free was a miracle. I had to hit my bottom of exhaustion. That relationship ended up becoming violent too.

This time things are not exactly the same, but similar. Today, BF called a bunch of doctors to get on a true recovery plan. I also encouraged him to start going to NA meetings and I'll continue going to my Alanon meetings.

I'm kinda rambling but I find this board helpful in keeping my sanity, organizing my thoughts/feelings.

Suboxone is different in that is doesn't make him high and isn't progressive like cocaine/alcohol but until he is seeing a doctor, then everything about it is drug use and I can't live just status quo. I just can't... so I hope my strength builds and that I'll know how to get off the ride when the time comes.

Thanks for letting me share.

Lil Pepper
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 1:12pm
Oh good, I hope your BF follows through and does enter into a recovery/treatment plan that will help him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2002
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 10:53am
Sounds like you have your priorities set in a good direction. I hope the best for your bf and I truly pray for the best for you. You do not need to be an emotional hostage to a drug user. Taking care of yourself and you own issues is enough. I Love Al-Anon. I am glad to see you going.
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Thu, 03-10-2011 - 4:42pm
He's been feeling the withdrawals and they look bad. On Monday he did get a sliver from a friend. He said that barely took off the edge. He spent all day Tuesday in bed with flu-like symptoms. Wednesday he admitted to calling around looking for more suboxen. He says he didn't find any but I just don't believe him. I felt he found some but wanted me to believe he was getting off the stuff.

All the doctors are expensive but he has followed thru with the calls.

Yesterday (day 4 of detox) it seemed the worst had past.... So, I wondered why he still wants a prescription if he's made it past the worst of it. Like I said, I'm suspicious and I can't trust him. He didn't have an answe really. He still wants to get a legal script next Thursday after payday. I feel like he'll sell it back to friends like they sold it to him. But, one day at a time.

For myself, I called my EAP and called therapist fir ME. I feel like I'm about to go insane... with grief and who knows what else.

As for NA, he's not interested. As for a shrink, he's not interested. Seems he's only interested in getting his hands on what he thinks is the wonder recovery drug. Sigh. I feel discouraged.

Thanks for letting me share

Lil Pepper