Scared to say anything...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2000
Scared to say anything...
Fri, 01-11-2013 - 9:42am

Right now my throat is tight and I have tears in my eyes...I've had one mtg with al anon which made me feel odd...I do plan on going to 6 mtgs before judging if its for mind keeps racing on  what I could say or what I should say...My biggest problem now is that if I think I hurt anyone's feelings it just kills thought process is to the point just keep your mouth shut because that could be me...I stare out at life not trying to judge...ex... That homeless person could be me or that unhappy marriage could be many people just blurt out cruel stuff and I do not want to be that....although I hear those people live longer...right now I am so mentally affected I am it common to feel like im losing my mind and I'm not the drinker...: ( I do feel you should be able to confront people you love and maybe it's ok to be harsh after all they can be extremely cruel to you...should I be able to judge...?

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 01-12-2013 - 10:09am

What you are feeling is normal for someone who loves an addict or alcoholic. You seem to be a warm, kind, loving person who is drowning in feelings that are choking you. If you look at the 12 steps of AlAnon, you can see that others have felt that way too.

1) We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives have become unmanageable. You are powerless over the alcohol that other people put in their body, and their actions (and your reactions) have made your life unmanageable.

2) Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Yep, the alcoholics actions and your reactions (being afraid to say what it is you are feeling) are making you insane. The power greater than yourself can be anything...a diety...a therapist,..people who are in recovery..a clergy person.... your choice.

3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of god as we understood him (this could be a spiritual path or a secular one...listening and trying the advice of a therapist for example)

I don't know what made you uncomfortable at the AlAnon meeting you went to, but try a different one. 

Tell us how you feel, we won't judge you, and we can share how we feel and have felt with you. Please let us help. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2000
Sun, 01-13-2013 - 2:44pm

Well I did go back to al anon and it was a much better mtg...I did feel Somme relief and I do plan on going to at least 6 before I make a decision .. Thank you for giving me a better insight into the first few steps,your a good person : )