Shocked and scared

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Shocked and scared
2
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 1:19am
My husband of 8 years is an addict. When I met him he told me he had given up alcohol because he felt he was an addict and needed to be sober for his daughter (from first marriage. She is 18 now). I did drink at the time but gave it up for our marriage because he was more important. He did not smoke nor drink. He did not like being around those who did. He recently retired from the military after 28 years of service. We moved back to Florida and bought a home that was in the country. I started to notice him taking more and more pain killers. He took all of the valume the doctor gave me I case I had a bad vertigo attack (which I never had to take but he cleaned me out). Looking back, he often told me that he had to take pain meds or even sleeping pills to sleep. He had an anger problem and was treated for it with medications that he still takes. When he retired, I knew that he said that he may smoke a joint with his cousin because he was not able to do so for 28 years. I did not agree with it but did not stop him thinking it had to get out of his system. I do not do drugs at all and with us now having a 5 year old, I want to be a good example and always be sober especially since it is a far drive to anywhere from where we live. In November he had a little weed on him but then got rid of it because I was uncomfortable with it. Then I found out he got some more. The reason I found out was because he was acting strange and even paranoid. He had a large machete knife near the front door and a large scycle in the living room "in case someone comes to attack us". We are in a very safe area and the only one who might get hurt is our 5 year old or her friends. He has given me a deadline of this Saturday that he will stop smoking dope. He thinks it is his right even if it is illegal. He says he just likes how it makes him feel. It is worse than alcohol to me because he goes from sober to wasted in a very short time. He insists he can drive. He thinks he is a better husband because he is mellow. I am scared of him and what he would do. He does not have a job. He thinks he is going to get hired as an online college professor, but there isn't any guarantee. I worked so he could get his masters which he did. Now it is my turn and he puts this on my plate. He is friends now with younger people who are losers and wastes of life. He is 47 years old and I am 38. I did not see this coming even a little bit. I do not believe he will stop by Saturday. I offered to get him some help. He pacifiers me but does nothing. I told him I will tell his family so I could get some help. He tells me that he will leave me for not being "loyal" which I know is BS. He is an addict. He should not be doing any illegal drugs, especially on the meds he is on. He has so much potential. We live off his retirement. He has an arsenal of guns. His older daughter still lives in Virginia (where we last transferred from). He has alienated everyone. I do not know where to start with this as I can see this is not something he will just give up. He had the audacity to say he prayed and it is OK with God that he smokes pot. I really do not have a problem with pot or those who do it but he cannot handle this. I do not know my next step. Even our 5 year old knows something is wrong. I do not know if I call a councilor or the cops? His family or his real friends. I am catching him in lies now because I guess this is how he has to live his life. I think about taking our daughter and leaving. I fear he will do something crazy. I do not know how he could be so selfish and only think of his own needs and not ours. I stuck by him and his crazy rules for us to not drink. His had even pulled away from the church that I am very much involved in that he used to enjoy as well. He thinks I am acting crazy and controlling as he does not see pot to be a big deal, but in the long run, I do not see a happy end to this. I would have never gave him a second look had I known he smoked pot. I also feel like this is part of the "sickness" I agreed to in my vows, but in being with him through this sickness, what if he is the one making himself sick. Can anyone please walk me through this? I know deep down there is a depressed man with PTSD issues (childhood, not military). The smart man with everything ahead of him is in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 3:15pm

The pills and the pot are a real problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 6:59pm

I am sure he is a very fine man when he is clean and sober, but it sounds like his disease has kicked into high gear.