Sobriety a disruption?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Sobriety a disruption?
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 3:33pm

I don't know why, but my DH getting sober turned my whole life upside down.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 3:43pm

Anything that is not normal is a disruption. Chaos was normal, and now it is not, so the adrenaline rush is gone. Does that make sense? You were used to crisis mode, and now need that insanity to feel normal. Weird, but true

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 5:17pm
Absolutely! I have heard the spouses of my sponsees say the same thing. The spouses have been the ones that hold it together..,keep chaos at a minimum, takes the kids to school and keeps their little worlds as safe as possible with a drunk in the house. The spouses are the clean-up people. They take care of their world. Then the alcoholic gets sober. The alcoholic starts to have ideas and opinions about their lives. The alcoholic wants to take some of the responsibility. The spouses dont know how to react. Trust that they can or mistrust waiting for them to fail ... again. If the alcoholic starts doing stuff for the family, then what is the role of the spouse? Things can and do get confusing in our minds. This is where Alanon is so important. Spouses need to hear how others handled that. Spouses need to find out how the others managed to get places on time again, how to make changes in routines, how to share some of the caretaking and still deal with that small, dark fear.....that fear of how long will this last? Or that fear of not being needed now. Many little things that we let ourselves get caught up in that are just so not true. Now is the time to get to Alanon, work the Alanon steps and keep to your personal growth, so that no matter what happens, you can find that place where you are totally ok with you, no matter what. Keep posting.....keep reaching out to others.......keep growing in life.....and learning about yourself. You will keep being that awesome woman that has had the strength and courage to keep holding on up to and past this point. God bless....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 02-12-2012 - 5:28pm
I can only echo what the others have said - this is normal and to be expected! Things will settle in time and for the very best. His drinking has affected you in so many ways that you cannot even imagine. Now that he is sober, the changes will continue to affect you. Al-anon will be a great place to meet people, such as those of us here, who understand EXACTLY how you feel.