Step 1....looking for support

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2011
Step 1....looking for support
3
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 1:41pm

Well I guess I am starting Step 1 and reaching out for support and guidance. My partner has problems with Alcohol and I am don't know if he is classified as an Alcoholic or not only becuase he is not dependant on it all day every day but I would say that he drinks and gets drunk 3-4 evenings per week and that is a problem in my books. Long story short I moved to be with him about 10 months ago and I knew that he liked to drink but after about a month or so of living together I realized it was an issue, when he was drinking 3-4 nights a week and not just one or two drinks, usually until he was slurring his words and not able to walk straight...I spent a few months asking him to cool it and hey haven't you had enough to finally voicing my concern and pointing out that I think he had an issue....he admitted that yes it probaby was an issue but that it really didn't concern him. I pleaded with him that I needed him to be around and that his teenage daughter needed him to be around and that this was not good for him nor was it a good example for her. He agreed but he was also drinking at the time of our discussion. I had requested that we go get help, go talk to someone together and he said he would but like I said he was drinking and so I wasn't convinced. We had a few days where he was quiet and said that I gave him a lot to think about and then it was bascially back to normal, continuing to drink maybe making a point of not drinking as much but I don't think he really has an off switch. Turns out that shortly after this first discussion he lost his job. I pretty much had guessed that the majority of the time that he drank too much was because he was trying to not "think" anymore and drowning his issues, he didn't like the job he was in so it wasn't a huge sadness to lose that particular job but still hurts to get layed off....so then that meant a lot of time doing nothing and more time to think. We went on an all inclusive vacation and to my disappointment he was drunk many of the evenings and hung over one of the days and then the day we went home...sure I had some fun on our vacation but a lot of it was stressful and not fun watching him. He is the kind of person that gets happy when he drinks but then he gets glossy eyed and like i said slurs his words and starts to walk funny...he is not someone who gets mean or disruptive when he drinks but i am not a fan at all of the person he becomes when he drinks and i definitely feel like i have to stay sober to babysit him and take care of him.

I find myself getting very stressed out, everyday that I come home I am looking in the fridge to see if he bought beer that day and when I see the beer I know how my night is going to go. I use to ask him to stop at a certain point and he sometimes would but then when i went to bed he would continue..the drinking alone is a huge red flag for me. I started to say things but now i am at the point where i am not wanting to fight and not wanting to be the bitch and nag and I know that in the end I cannot change him. no matter what i say or do he has to want to quit for himself and has to realize he has a problem. My instinct is to run, to throw out ultimatums but I don't think that is the right reaction...first of all I gave up

Community Leader
Registered: 10-08-2002
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 3:45pm
Hi Blondie...welcome to the board. I am so sorry that alcohol is affecting your life in this manner. I know that even though you are not the one drinking it, it still impacts your life in every aspect. There is a sister program for the family and friends of alcoholics called Al-Anon. I do suggest that you find one near you, attend at least 6 meetings to find out if you can relate, and not making any decisions, stay or go, fight or not fight, etc. until you can better see what this is doing to you and your perspective; Alcoholism is a family disease, not just a disease of the drinker. Please keep posting and letting us know where you are mentally. Others will be along soon to give you their uptake on your situation....and will, hopefully, give you some good stuff to think about. Oh yes, there is also AlaTeen for the kids. Their lives are placed in just as much chaos as yours when your significant other drinks regularly to the point of drunkeness. Take care and find a meeting for you. God bless.....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2011
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 12:16pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 8:29pm

You poor thing,