Wanted to tell you the news ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Wanted to tell you the news ...
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 10:42am

Hello! I'm not on here very much, but I did want to tell you what happened recently. :-( It is very sad news having to do with my ex-husband. I received a phone call the week before last that my ex-husband had shot himself in the head and that he was no longer with us :-( Even though we were divorced, it was still quite devastating to receive that phone call. I had always hoped for some sort of chance to reconcile with him on a "human" level. I didn't want to re-marry him or have a relationship - I just wanted us to wish each other well.

I had written him a letter (that I never planned to send) on Aug 10th (3 days before he died). I wished him well and wished him adventure, joy and love in his life.

It sounds like he was having some major paranoid episodes - worse than I had ever seen when I was married to him. Dogs barking made him believe that people were shooting at him. The details of what happened are horrifying. He was dealing with some major alcoholic paranoia. I remember him being very paranoid while we were together, but never to this degree. The alcoholism, I believe, had advanced to a large degree. We have been divorced for just over 2 years and separated for almost 3.

It sort of paints everything in a new light, now that he has died. It's easier for me to look at him and see that he struggled with alcoholism. I am sad about what happened, I have cried about his death - but in many ways I have already grieved him. In some ways it is hard for me to memorialize him - as many of our friends and family members are doing - because he HURT so many people before he died.

The truth is - I wished him well, he was a smart and talented person (sans alcohol) and I always held out hope for him. I am saddened that he took his own life. I flew back to his home state and attended his funeral. His family was wonderful to me and his new wife was very kind. I am sorry for her.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 10:45am

I am so sorry about his end. Wow, scary thought because I know I was headed that way. Peace to you and prayers for you and his new wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2002
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 3:56pm
I have to agree with what Beth said. I am so glad you can look at this in the way you are. Gratitude that you can see the truth thru the pain is big. God bless....
Alcohol, Addictions & Recovery. It's a long way down, but only 12 steps UP
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 08-26-2011 - 7:18pm

I have not been on the board in a while, but when I read your post, my heart just broke.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2006
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 12:02am

thank you, Leslie. I can feel your hug :-) It is such a violent end to a life. The whole situation is horrific and still very unbelievable. He was only 36 years old.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 8:07am

My ex-boyfriend was 37 when alcoholism took him away over 7 years ago.


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."