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|Mon, 12-10-2012 - 4:59pm|
Good afternoon ladies. I have lurked on these boards for several years now, but never been brave enough to post, or it hasn't gotten bad enough for me to post, I'm just not sure. But I'm here now with a few questions.
A quick background, DH and I have been married for 7 1/2 years, we each have a child from before and we have two together. My ODD lives with us, and is off to college next year. His ODS lives with his ex and we see him a few times a year, and we have 3 1/2 and 5 1/2 year old girls together. He had a drinking problem before we were married, but dating mostly long distance, I didn't see it as clearly as I should have. I saw signs of it, but I suppose I mostly ignored them. It wasn't too bad when we were first married, he has always been a binge drinker and in the early years I could handle it mostly. He deployed to Iraq in 2006-2007, was there for 14 months, and since then it has slowly, or not so slowly spiraled out of control. He still binges, but its more frequent. He's been to jail for various infractions at least 7 times since we've been married, and twice in the last 2 weeks, 3 times in the last 6 months. The first 2 were for drug possession, which I had no idea he had gotten into, and the last one this weekend, after a long week of us fighting last week, a DUI. Every time he has been in trouble previous he has gotten out of with not much more than a slap on the wrist, but this one, I would like to say I think he has finally hit bottom, but I know that that is too much to hope for. But I know he has come to realize that he just threw away most of the plans we had made for the next 6 months, which included a new job he was going to be taking specifically for the insurance so that i could finally leave my full time job (with the benefits) to work from home to be home with the kids more. He currently owns his own business and its doing relatively well, but without insurance benefits it was getting much harder, and with this latest arrest, he will lose his business license a year from now when it is up for renewal, if they don't yank it before then.
My biggest question right this moment, and I am sure I will have more later, is that this time he is so dejected at the moment, talking about how he knows how badly this time is, how once his driver's license is officially suspended in two weeks all he'll be able to do is sit home and play video games and nothing else, and that he knows he just needs to take his punishment, do his jail time and that's it. And yes, I agree with most of that, I don't agree that all he can do is just sit around the house and play video games. He still has a company to run, he has an employee that is still in an apprenticeship role that is more than willing to stick with him, he can have him, and has in the past, had him drive him to jobs and still work, we still have three kids to be parents to. How long do I let him sulk and work through this? Because frankly, wrong or right, I am pissed and frustrated, all my dreams have gone down the toilet too, but I am not about to sit around feeling sorry for myself, or for him for that matter, and let "us be poor" and my kids suffer because he hasn't grown up yet. At what point, or is there a point, where I can just tell him to suck it up, deal with it, and get back out there doing the job you can do while you can do it??