will drug testing help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
will drug testing help?
13
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 6:05pm

will drug testing help stop the lying? will it help him face the truth... that i can't have him living with me if he's using suboxen or any drug. and that he can't lie because the test will show if he's taking it....

I found a website that sells drug tests for really cheap.... and i've bought a few.... But something inside tells me that it won't stop his problem or help the situation.

What are some of your thoughts?

He's out of the house. We talk on the phone and have gone out to dinner. He says he's been clean since last tuesday. Friday night i tested him and he was positive... said that web pages are saying it takes 7 days to clear out of the system. But even if he tests clean one time... how many times would i have to keep testing him?

maybe i'm jumping ahead? maybe he'll never test clean. I know he has a problem but he says he can just quit and be fine. I'm not buying it... then he said, well you have the test now so what's the point in lying.

anyway... i'd like to believe he'll have a breakthru. but i'm not holding my breath. I'm very angry that he's been lying again. I feel i can't trust him.... even if the tests come out good. But he doesn't want me to give up hope on him.

so anyways, what impact will drug testing have... i wonder.

Lil pepper

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 8:17pm
I would have to ask, in answer to your question about what impact drug testing will have, is this what you want in a relationship? The lack of trust, the lying? Personally, I would think long and hard about being in a relationship devoid of trust... Eventually, he may get clean but the only thing that will prove that is time. You do not have to give up hope and prayers for him, but he also needs to get honest, decide whether he wants to get and stay clean, and do something about it.
Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 6:00am

I don't know your boyfriend, but I would have been insulted, angry, and get into the how dare you not trust me argument. I would have made you feel crazy for even suggesting it...made you feel like you were wrong and belittle you. Yes, I would have been using, but my desire would have been to protect my using even if it killed your soul.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 11:19am

And that would be a big NO, I do not want to be in a relationship without trust!

"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 5:01pm

One thing I learned from being with an alcoholic is that they can look you square in the eye and lie without giving it a thought. Something my family therapist told me once was that alcohol and certain drugs affect the part of the brain where love, emotions and aggression stem from, so in a sense, the addict/alcoholic is having a 'love" affair with the substance of choice.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 5:53pm
funny you make that comparison. In the past, when i suspected he was lying, my first thought was that he was cheating on me. Becuase it did make me feel the same way... he was hiding, sneaking, lying, minimyzing, covering up.... not where he said he was.... not doing what he said he would do...
Im just really disgusted thinking about it.

I guess this is part of the grieving process. This disgust i'm feeling today.
I'm suppose to go to his house tonight with another test. He claims it will be negative.
:(
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 7:37pm
Sweetie - Please forgive me for asking, but why are you going to his house to do another test again? Why are you doing this to yourself?
I am not trying to be disrespectful - I really care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Wed, 02-15-2012 - 8:16pm

Yes, it's sadly the same parallel, and unfortunately, just like a jilted SO, you're trying to prove to yourself that this man is trustworthy, even though he has failed miserably time and again.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 7:42am
Thank you so much. You have really helped.
I did not go to his house with another test. He kept calling and calling and I turned off my phone. You are right about the questioning and doubting.
So, now what?
One day at a time.
Lil pepper
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2002
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 8:29am

I am so glad you chose not to deal with him last night.


 


"OMG, I got engaged, the world will never be the same!...."


&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2011
Thu, 02-16-2012 - 11:10pm
Another day ... another powerful "no". Once again he wanted me to test him. He said the proof is with the test but again I said no.

Tomorrow I am helping a friend move. It should be some great female bonding/support. And I'm sure it will be a blessed day.

Thanks again
Lil pepper

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