1 week tomorrow since brother's suicide

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
1 week tomorrow since brother's suicide
21
Fri, 06-03-2011 - 9:27pm

It seems as if I am the only one crying all of the time. His memorial service is tomorrow morning. Still hard to believe it has already been a week since this happened. He was staying with me since April when he moved back from out of state. He left my home last Saturday evening around 9:30pm to go on another walk, which he had just returned an hour prior on a long one.

My dad woke me up around 3:30am saying he had not returned. My father did not want to go looking for him at that time of night in the dark, alone, along a canal path that runs in my neighborhood for a few miles south along a desert path with electrical towers.

So we decided to wait until daybreak where it would be safe to go walking and see if he was okay. My dad came into my bedroom around 7am on his knees crying (went looking for him at daybreak) saying he(Dan) hung himself on an electrical tower naked(like Jesus0 and call 911. According to PD, he was hanging there shortly after he left the home. After speaking to family and friends since his passing, this was all premeditated. My brother discovered he threw all of his belongings on the side of my yard the day after, I found a minimized website on his laptop on how to complete health care directive, living will forms, etc. Asking my father and brother on separate occasions where they kept their guns, he may not be here to stand up in my brother's wedding this fall, kept pushing me to become our mother's legal guardian, etc. It all seems like he was wrapping up loose ends as well. He also attempted suicide this past January where he was living at the time.

I feel as if there is something I could have done to prevent this and help him, but everybody is telling me there was nothing I could've done. He was dead set on this. I am still in shock and at a loss. He had a lot of health problems so we know this played a huge part in it but didn't expect him to do this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 7:37am

I am so very sorry and as one who has battled depression and suicide for years, there is nothing you could have done to prevent it.

You might all want to consider some counseling or support group.

Know your brother is at peace,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 5:06pm

Hey,

I am so very sorry for your loss., so sorry.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2011
Sat, 06-04-2011 - 8:49pm
Promise, you are so on point. I also lost my brother by suicide. He also hung himself.For years I'd ask myself why. But it was never ending ride with no destination. There are some kinds of depression that will cause people to take their own lives and there's nothing that can be done. Its no ones fault. The pain is and for me it came in waves as years when by the waves weren't so bad, but never completely go away. For Western-girl its still so fresh and all Iwant to do is give her a hug, tell her, even through he did what he did he will always love her, stay close to family and frends. They will be there for her.
Shell-Bee
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 8:40pm
Thank you. I am seriously considering counseling.

you mention somebody who has been battling things, what went through his head knowing he walked out my door that night with his plan in mind? So many questions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 8:42pm
Thank you. All I can say is that this SUCKS having to deal with such a loss and in the way he did it.

Like I said in my original post, with all of the comments and subtle signs, this was all premediated. He attempted suicide back in Janaury but failed. I heard from a friend of his how he tried suicide a year ago and failed. I also heard a while back when he was diagnosed with a terminal health condition with no cure, he attempted suicide then but somebody intervened during the act. He felt like his life was hopeless because of the bad news knowing he will eventually succumb to it, but he still kept taking care of himself and continued taking his medications until some time ago. He let himself go. My surving brother just told me that my brother told him back then once his health started going down, he would check himself out. I understand not wanting to suffer such a horrible way out in the end, but no note, no goodbyes, nothing.

After speaking to others, he seemd to have it all together over the years for some time. The happy go luck guy, life of the party, etc, but inside he was obviosuly suffering from things we probably dont even know on top of his health issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 8:21am
I am so sorry, and maybe this is too soon to say this to you. But I truly believe we all have the right to end our life. I see it always as a choice, not a good choice and awful to the family we leave behind, but he is at peace, he is all healed and whole in heaven and some day, you will be reunited. I attempted it once myself, and considered it several other times, for me, the pain of living was so AWFUL I just wanted the pain gone and I saw that as an answer. Again, I am not advocating suicide or saying the remaining family isn't devestated by it, as I know they are.
I hope you talk to a counselor. take care, Josie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 3:32pm

Unfortunately, it is these questions that we never seem to get the answers to. I struggle with trying to work out what went through my brothers mind. I am not even sure knowing what went through my mind when I made my attempt ever helped me sort that on out.

Therapy is good and can be very healing and I would also recommend it.

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 5:24pm

Hey - so I'm new to this specific board, but I'm NOT new to suicide, unfortunately.

A year and a half ago, one of my best friends took his own life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2007
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 11:00pm
It has already been over a month since my Brother's passing. Still hard to believe he did that.
Feels weird coming home and not having here anymore. Sad.
My younger brother told me a few days ago that soon after my now deceased brother came back to live with me in April, my brother told him that the next time he attempted suicide, he would succeed at it and he did. It kind of peeves me off how my younger brother did not tell anybody this. It feels like maybe I could have done something but my brother keeps telling me it would have eventually happened and there was nothing we could have done to stop him. I guess in a way he is right. I don't see how you can possibly lock somebody in a room in a straight jacket for the rest of their life if they were really sick(physically) and wanting to go. My brother also suffered severe depression on top of his illness( now learning this). This whole thing just peeves me off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 2:57pm

Hey,

It is real hard having to come to terms with the hard truth that if someone is determined to take their own life, they will.



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