Angry at mother since father's death

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2010
Angry at mother since father's death
Sun, 06-30-2013 - 9:22am

It has been almost three years since my father died and I am getting angrier and angrier at my mother because she just doesn't seem to have cared enough. She never talks about him and when she does it is always something negative. She never really has anything good to say about him. She makes it sound like she fulfilled her duty and she has started talking about other men. She was married for 50 years! My father was a great man. How can she even think this way??

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 07-03-2013 - 2:40am

Just wondering, did your father have a long illness or die suddenly? The reason I ask is because after my dad died my mom didn't seem to be grieving as I expected she would and when I asked her about it she said that she had already grieved for him during his illness. From that I realized how differently we all grieve, and my mom, who was seeing the changes in her husband on a daily basis, had "moved on" before the rest of us. It wasn't bad or wrong, it just was how it was. Also, is it possible that your parents had some marital problems (that maybe they hid from you) and things weren't so great for your mother? Have you asked your mother why she doesn't like to talk about your father?

If your mother spoke favorably about your father would you be accepting of her interest in other men? 

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 07-01-2013 - 3:18pm

Welcome to the board!

I am sorry to read about the loss of your father.  I was just thinking, have you said anything to your mother about how you feel?  If you did, how did she react?  Has she been conforting towards you, in the past 3 years, while you have lost your dad?  

Do you think it is possible that she is trying to hide her true feelings about him?  As in, maybe it is the way she has learned to cope with her loss as well?  If he was a good man, I am wondering if deep inside she is hurting, but doesn't want to let it out or let anyone know.  What do you think?

Just my thoughts.