Coping with your loss during the holidays

Avatar for cmkarla
Administrator
Registered: 01-03-2001
Coping with your loss during the holidays
10
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 9:08am

 For many people, the holiday season is a very rough time of the year to get through because of the loss of family members or friends. How do you cope with your loss during this time of the year?

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 12-24-2012 - 6:41pm

~hugs~

*Josie*

For ALL that you do...:)

Bless you!

My ds and I were given a table and two chairs from friends who knew we didn't have one, and a turkey today and a gift card for Tim Horton's!

So un-expected but much appreciated!

<3 Lorie

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Mon, 12-24-2012 - 4:00am

Thanks Lorie.   I volunteer at a food bank and we made over 80 bags of food for eligible families to pick up and another organization gave out toys and gifts to the families, I leave there every week so physically tired but makes me feel good to help out and whenever I help a family get some food as they can pick what they want from the shelves within the guidelines like 3 cans of vegetables I always feel good doing that too.

I never had a pet until I got Rudi who will be 2 in January and a little over a week ago I let her start sleeping with me as she was sleeping in her crate overnight.   It has been an adjustment.  I have had sleep issues forever and most nights she wakes me up from the deepest sleep to do a potty run like 3 hrs into the night, but I get up, throw on coat and shoes and out we go as I don't want a wet bed.   She is getting better staying in bed as I have a high bed and she has short dachshund legs so she shouldn't be jumping in and out of it.   A dog's keen sense of hearing and if anything spooks her she is wide awake, my bedroom is in the corner of the house closest to the street, so then she has me wide awake and I am listening to the burgular also!

I caught a cold so praying it is tons better or I will stay home Christmas day as I won't get in a truck with 3 other people if I am sneezing and runny nose.

My one sister did come down for a few hrs, less than 3 actually and we did OK together.   I could put Rudi in a kennel and drive to her house for the 25th but it will be her and her husband and my nephew and his wife opening way more gifts than anyone needs.   Just would reinforce my loneliness that hubby isn't here.

I accept my husband and I choose not to have kids together, and my 2 stepkids still have their real Mom alive so that is totally not available to hang out with.   My Mom had 3 of us but none of us lived in her town so she spent a lot of time alone.

I am thankful I have a home,  I have enough money to pay the bills and outside of a cold and some aches and pains that are typical for my age, my health isn't so bad so thankful for all of that too.

I so miss my man, and I won't be on the online dating services today, way too scary to start over with anyone else.

I am glad I put up a small tree and some ornaments, some would say why did I do it if the only one who saw it was my stepson when he worked on his car in my husband's work garage and my sister, but I did it for me and Rudi.

No plans for New years or today actually.   We are forecasted for freezing rain and rain so I will gladly stay home today safe and sound.   hugs,  Josie

 

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 10:30pm

~hugs~

I lost my Mom and then the anniversary My now ex left me and the kids.

Like you said you have to find a new normal for you...I never re-married so it's been me and my kids ONLY they are not kids anymore.

I feel a little less lonely and am trying to make it a good day for ds and I.

We got cards to mail to dd, it's her birthday to, I really miss her and I know she is missing me.

I got to see her last week which was good.

So glad you are doing okay Josie, I know how unbelievably hard it can be and is.

I have been ALONE so long.

Miss my fiance' so much, he has been gone for close to twelve years.

I often wonder what Life would have been like if he were stll here kwim?...

~hugs~

Lorie

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 10:22pm

~hugs~

<3

Lorie

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 10:18pm

So sorry Promise...

My ds and I moved so I am far away to from family...

Last year dd wasn't much up to celebrating and we don't live in the same city.

My dad and my sister both live far away my brother and I are also not near.

My Mom died at Christmas her Dad my Grand-pa to, but dd is a Christmas baby and the Greatest Gift.

I try to Celebrate to honour my Mom and it actually was so much easier when my kids were smaller.

I did it for them and if my ex (he left me a year after for another woman) got our kids that's when I did my grieving, as I didn't want to "Spoil" it for them...:(...

In spite of everything I do find small rays of of Joy!

Like little kids excitement, the first snow-fall, acts of kindness, a Smile!

Do whatever works for you...for me just getting through that day helped and afterwards I felt such relief...

My ds surprized me with a Little Silver Locket he bought on-line.

He actually went and checked the mail, wrote me a note and hung it on our Charlie Brown tree...the Sweetest young man I know...:)

We are looking forward to our first Christmas here.

Just so glad to be Safe and Sound with a roof over our heads...I applied for help for Christmas and it is such a big help knowing that was something I did not have to worry about.

Keeping everyone in my thoughts and Prayers, Wishing ALL of you Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2013.

To New Beginnings!

<3

Lorie

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 10:04pm

~hugs~

Lorie

<3

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Tue, 12-18-2012 - 4:13am

Hubby dying Nov 16th, 2010 that first Christmas all I did was carry down holidy teddy bears and put them out on tables.   2011 Christmas I managed to put some holiday knick knacks out on tables as I always loved Christmas.   Back when I worked and there was 5 desks in the office, mine was the one with tinsel taped along the edge of her desk and other decorations out.  This year I put out the table top fiberoptic tree and other a couple days of looking at it bare, did put hallmark ornaments out on it.  When I realized the lights cord into wall was getting too hot I bought another strand of reg lights and put it on it.

I have been watching a lot of hallmark and lifetime holiday movies.   Sure I cry on some of them but they are also healing as a lot of story lines someone is grieving over a loved one.

I only have 2 sisters, one is coming down the 22nd.   I have no cousins, aunts, uncles etc so actual family I have a very small list.  A friend who is also widowed invited me to go with her to her cousins on the 25th, so that is helpful. 

I will probably be sitting here alone on the 31st with just puppy.   I so miss hubby and having a surprise gift to open on the 25th so all of those memories are gone.

Trying to cope and find some new normals the best I can.  Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 7:43pm

Hi Carla and Promise, I remember when my mother passed sixteen years ago, I hated Christmas for years, hated the music, hated the celebration of it, my Mother was all about Christmas, putting lights up and decorating in November, she was like a big kid, when she was gone, its like the Christmas spirit went to.  It took many years for me to get a little feeling for Christmas again, my children being the motivation, I could not be so flat about Christmas because of them.  I still to to this day cannot listen to Christmas music.  This year, its going to be bad, as I will not get that call from my buddy Sue, in the morning wishing me a Merry Christmas, its going to be hard.......I thought I could have some time with her son over the holidays, but he is staying to his self, and not making much contact.  I am trying really hard to lift myself up, again because of my Children that are grown, and my three grandchildren.

 

HUGS

Kathy

Avatar for cmkarla
Administrator
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 12:30pm

Hi Promise,

I understand that. Many years ago my oldest brother got killed in a car wreck on December 23. The holidays took on an entirely different meaning for my family. We had to completely change our way of celebrating the Christmas season in order to cope.

I think about the shootings in Connecticut and how every time those who lost a loved one are going to feel when they start hearing holiday music.

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 12:00pm

Hey Karla,

I hate the holidays and don't much celebrate them because it can be just too hard. I don't get to come home this year to be with my family and that makes the sense of loss worse because we support each other when we are together.

Love

Promise