dealing with father's death
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 01-24-2012 - 10:40am|
I have been a member of various discussion groups but the first time I posted onthis one was about a suicide of my husband's cousin. I also read some of the other topics and I feel like maybe now it is time for me to just get some things off my chest about my father's death. One of the reasons why I am turning to this group is because I feel like I cannot talk to anyone about it that would really understand. I could talk to my mother and my siblings but I am afraid of upsetting them because they are also having a very difficult time.
My father passed away 2 and half of years ago because he was stung inside his mouth by a wasp and he died from shock. This is a very difficult part to deal with because he died from such a unusual cause. He was travelling at the time and was up in the mountain with couple of people. By the time ambulance arrived, the person was so young and inexperienced I guess that he could not even give him a proper injection to counterattack. Anyways, in this string of unusual and tragic events we lost him by the time they got to the hospital.
One of the things that I really have hard time with is his last thought. What was he thinking, was he sufferring, was he scared? It's been more than 2 years and constantly think about this.
Second thing that I have really hard time with is that in the last few years of his life, we were not on good terms due to many family problems. We talked only if we really had to. However, maybe 2 weeks before he passed away, we talked on the telephone for maybe 30 minutes which is very unusual for us and he was very nice and was telling me what I need to do to take care of my brother and to help him with school (my father lived in a different country). I am glad we had this conversation because before that we did not talk in months. We just used to send SMS and it was usually me giving him a hard time because I felt like he abondoned us even though my parents seperated 10 years ago.
Sometimes I try to talk to my husband about it and I know he cares and listens, he also asks me questions about my father but sometimes I feel like he can't really understand the pain that I carry with me every day.