Dissapointment with former therapist; saying goodbye

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Dissapointment with former therapist; saying goodbye
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 8:34pm


This is my first post here. Grateful to have these message boards. My situation is one of disappointment and loss. I had a final appt with a therapist of 20+ years this week. She was very clear that it was time to move on and at the time I wasn't sure I agreed. She thought that someone else could help me better. But at the end of the session she said some things that were in my opinion inappropritate and not her place. I have been visiting churches and visited her church, not knowing it was her church. It was awkward but we didn't discuss it until this last session. She asked me to not join a specific group and any of the committees that she is a part of. I felt that, especially a now former client, she was trying to dictate to me how I can act in a church. She wanted to keep the door open a bit and see me once a year so I would not feel abandoned by her. Of course, she didn't ask me if I did feel abandoned or if that would interest me. She just announced that she would see me once a year. But if I joined one of "her" groups and became active on "her" committees that our relationship of once a year would have to end. I just thought it was very inaproppriate. I did email the minister (without mentioning her name) and just to have clarificiation that I was free to join or participate in any group or committee. He said of course it was and wanted to know who asked me to not be involved. I didn't give her name.

The loss I felt was that I had written her a letter of gratitude from all the years of work. I spent a lot of time on it and presented it to her. During the letter I she ignored what I was reading for parts of it, rustling and reading paperwork. My sponsor thinks she was deflecting her feelings. She showed no emotion and shut down and shut me down.

I left feeling that it was a time of mixed messages. It was difficult enough to say goodbye.

I have written her a letter addressing these points and she should have it by now. I asked her to please not contact me.

Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999

Hi and welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009


welcome to the board.

I think if you went to her church in all innocence then it was real unkind of her to react the way she did. Did you explain that you went there in all innocence? If she is no longer your therapist I can't see why she would stop you from joining. I can see it might be awkward if you were still having a professional relationship.