Feeling stuck and can't move on - Suicide is so unfair

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Feeling stuck and can't move on - Suicide is so unfair
7
Mon, 02-20-2012 - 10:38am

I lost my best friend on Feb 1 to suicide.


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009

Hi,

welcome to the board.

Suicide is a choice I have been told. One my brother made, one I tried to make.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2012
Coming from the other side of it, as someone who has been suicidal, she might have been acting more "normal" than she had been and not given any signs to her mom or other physically near her. Oftentimes, when someone has decided they're going to commit suicide there is such tremendous relief knowing that their pain will be over soon that they actually act happier than they had been.

It does sound like you were the best friend you could ever be, and I'm glad you're taking comfort in that, and you should. The odd thing is, suicide isn't personal: it's not about your doing enough, or her daughters being loved or important enough her family being proactive enough. Suicide is often a physical reaction-like pulling your hand away from a hot stovetop; at some point, the will to get away from the pain overcomes all else. Suicide is the pentup, unforgiving drone of unrelenting emptiness, trauma, reliving of horrible events, incredible pain-the kind that you're feeling now-that is unceasing for years. The inbalance, the loneliness, the not knowing what to do, the nonsense of it all is what she'd felt for a long time.

So if you can't call her mother or family, maybe just send a card for now and explain that, that you're having such a hard time with it that you can't bring yourself to talk about it just yet, but that you care, and haven't forgotten them. Send these cards until you're able to phone them. Good luck, and God bless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009

Hey Chris,

we just wish our loved ones hadn't made that choice.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004

I know suicide was HER choice.


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009

You know, hard though it is to face, suicide is a choice. This is what I was told and I think that yes, it is. I think my brother thought he was doing the best he could for his wife and babes by taking his own life. He wanted them free of watching him suffer.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004

Thank you sooooo much!


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Mom to furangel, Chelse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009

I am just so very very sorry for your loss.