How do you comfort someone who is grieving?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
How do you comfort someone who is grieving?
4
Sun, 03-10-2013 - 4:29pm

How do you comfort someone who is grieving or can you if you are not a close friend? A new woman at work lost her daughter in a terrible accident about two weeks ago and I want to help in some way but don't know what to do. I really want to do something to help. Do you have any ideas?

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 03-10-2013 - 5:43pm

~hugs~
"How do you comfort someone who is grieving or can you if you are not a close friend? A new woman at work lost her daughter in a terrible accident about two weeks ago and I want to help in some way but don't know what to do. I really want to do something to help."
I think it is so awesome that you want to reach out to her...
Maybe a card or a book an offer to go for coffee or Lunch would be nice.
ALL too many times we let opportunities pass for fear of not saying or doing the right thing.
She is grieving and probably would be very happy to have someone reach out as long as her "Boundaries" are respected....
A friend of mine recently died and I just wanted to talk about her and how much her Loss has affected me...some knew she had been murdered and wanted details, they are not true friends.
I just miss her and feel so sad kwim?
Last year I ALMOST lost my dd but thank-fully didn't.
I think it takes a while to sink in and you have so many mixed emotions and ambivalent feelings kwim?
Last night on Saving Hope they talked about forgetting that person whether they had died or were in a coma and it was very touching...
We never forget those we Love I believe but we ALL need/want time to grieve as much as necessary for us.
Ask her or offer to help out in any way you can, she would definitely appreciate it.
<3
Lorie

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 11:22am

I know what you mean. One of my elderly neighbors that I don't know all that well lost her husband and I want to help since of course she is my neighbor but I don't know what to do or say without seeming like I am trying to pry. My son went over and shoveled her drive and I am trying to find a way to strike up a conversation. I wonder if just popping over with some capucino and muffins and invite myself in would be too weird. I also thought about inviting her over for dinner this week but don't know if being with my family would be too hard on her. Maybe I should wait a while before trying to get to know her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012
Wed, 03-13-2013 - 2:17pm
For me, just to offer "anything I can do for you? is great and just see what they say, let them answer you, and just follow, someone just to listen, just listen, no advice, no comments, just listen means the world. Of course when all else fails, a hug goes a long way Hugs Kathy
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Thu, 03-14-2013 - 7:09pm

I would say that I agree with everyone else and their ideas.  Just asking her out to lunch, or letting her know that if she ever would like to talk, you have a good ear to listen.  I think that there really are not any right words to say.  I have lost both my parents and remember friends would say they were sorry and tell me that had no idea what to say.  I would tell them, "just hug me or be there and listen was all I needed".

I think that people are afraid they may say the wrong thing.  I think of that song, "You say it best, when you say nothing at all....." 

Have you talked to her since you posted on here?