How do you cope with loss?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
How do you cope with loss?
10
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 12:13pm

I guess we all have our own ways of dealing with our losses, our own ways of coping.  For me, I take to Luke every day. I tell him what I have been doing, how things are going, how I feel. I share what is joyful and what is not.  I believe he hears me and his love supports me. What is your way of coping?

Love

Promise



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 7:09pm

<3

This is so absolutely true!

Without ALL of you sharing and supporting I don't think I would be coping/dealing very well.

My thanks to everyone!

~hugs~

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 12:27pm

And we are happy you found us as well.  It's being able to share our grief that helps us all heal.

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Re: How do you cope with loss?
Fri, 09-07-2012 - 9:17am

Hey Kathy,

I think talking with people who have experienced loss is often the best therapy, whether we do it here online of IRL.  You are right, is is less lonely, less isolating.  We just have to move through the various stages of mourning in the ways that suit us best and at the speed that is personally best for us.

Your friend is bound to be in your thoughts constantly, it takes time. Just you mourn at your own pace, don't let others push you into "healing".  I feel sure that if we don't allow ourselves to mourn completely, then it comes back and gets us later with unresolved grief.

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Fri, 08-24-2012 - 1:44pm

Hey Lorie,

a big cyber hug for you < (((((((Hugs)))))))).

Love

Promise



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 08-23-2012 - 1:24pm

I am trying to cope, but felt like I was not doing too well.

Just in shock I think.

 

Nightangel
Avatar for nicolathecat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 3:52am
How I cope seems to depend on the day...lately I have been focusing on other things. Decluttering our house, fixing up our yard, getting two kittens (who are still too young to come home, but I get to visit them every week.)...things that make me feel like the future is worth living.

I don't really feel strong enough right now to think about Arthur being really gone. The 8th was the four month anniversary of his death. I still talk to him a lot and pretend he is still here just not in body. I am not sure how I will handle it when I have to think of him being really gone...so for now I focus on all kind of 'signs' that he is still here and cling to that with all my might.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 4:36pm
Thanks Promise. Not the path I would have choosen, but here I be, so muddling through it and yes: hubby is smiling at me and laughing even more at some of the antics I do. hugs, Josie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 12:35pm

Hey Josie,

reading your post just shows how far you have come since becoming a widow. I hope you a re proud of yourself, you are coming through one of life's worse events and that takes courage and fortitude. I know your DH must be emmensely proud of you.

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 4:24am

Hi Promise.

I know for me it was essential that I go on with my plan to retire less than 3 months after hubby died.   I continued in therapy and took the grief group at church, all those things helped a lot. 

Getting a puppy was such a blessing.  At first I had so much trouble potty training her and it was God's plan as it gave me something to focus on besides 24/7 I am a widow.   Now we are best buds, she is curled up on my left side as I type this.   Days at home with no outside plans with friends are so much sweeter as I have my Rudi for company.   She is so funny and nice to have "someone" care when you get home.

I feel drawn to go to his grave about once a month, but no hard and fast rule on that one.  Stopped earlier this week and said HI sweetie.   Pictures of him are everywhere in the house, some of the 2 of us on vacation in fun places.  I am so glad we went so many places as still don't know if I will travel much now as a widow.

Borrowing Step 10 of the 12 steps on doing a daily inventory, seeing what works, what feels right and what doesn't, I felt something was missing and how could I fill that void?  So I started volunteering one day a week at a food pantry/clothing mart.   Have gone twice and I enjoy it.  The other workers are nice and they allow me to say what tasks I can't do with my post neck surgery issues.

I still fall asleep clinging to his pillow for dear life.   Working on some long term issues with my therapist.   Most days when I walk Rudi we run into some familiar face and I so love my small house in my small town.  It is the perfect fit for me.

Have lunch plans with a friend today and then very little plans the next week but my stepson is going to help me with a few things around the house.  I hope to over the next several months to get some inside painting and sprucing around the house.  I can't do it with my neck issues but have some possibilities of who can help me and am grateful I am able to pay them.

I truly believe both my parents and my hubby are watching over me and I know I will see them again in heaven.

love,  Josie