Husband shot and killed himself

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2011
Husband shot and killed himself
15
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 12:44am
My husband, 25 years old, shot and killed himself on aug 20, 2011. He did it over his feelings over me. We have been together for 6 years,we have 2 kids together, a 5 yr old girl and 1 yr old boy. He was such an amazing father and husband. He was madly in live with this family. Nobody could deny his love for us. His while works revolved around me and our kids. He was my everything, smart, romantic, funny, talented. He was by far my fairy tale come to life.. So beautiful inside and out. He wanted to have these kids that we have, we had so many plans for the future. He simply was everything to me. But I was being stupid and selfish... I wanted out, I thought I did anyways, we had issues if control and insecurities in the past, I tried ti leave him about 6 months ago, I had someone else from my past that I brought back into my life making it easier for me to leave. But, my husband wouldn't give up, he wanted me to stay with him, he took me out, he made me fall in love all over again. I was so thankful that I stayed, there was something magical between us and there was no denying that. Well issues of his control didnt change like he had promised and once again I began thinking I need out. This broke his heart. He tried so hard to win me back, he was sooo romantic and loving toward me, he made an appointment for counseling... He would hold me and look me in the eyes and say I know you stil love me, I'm gonna win you back babe. And inside I felt that if I hold tough, maybe I move out, but I KNEW that every ounce of me wanted to end up with him. I thought if I stay strong then maybe these changes will stick... So I didn't let him know how I really felt, I wanted him to keep fighting, I thought it was the right thing to do. I never denied my love for him, not once, just the state of our relationship. He said he knew I still felt it whether id admit it or not.. If shrug it off, but blush inside... Well on the nothing of the 20th we woke up, hr cuddeled to me, we were talking when it started turning negative, so I just rolled over and said leave me alone. Our daughter was in or bed at this point and u didnt want to argue I'm front of her. After saying leave me alone 3 times he snapped. He grabbed his gun and said he was going to kill himself. To wrap the story up, me and the kids got next door and my house was sworming with police, they had him on the phone for a couple hours... He tried to call me, said he wanted to say something but the police made me hang up on him.. He told the police he was gonns come out, minutes later they told me he shot himself in the head. He died on the way to the hospital. Before I left the house he was white as a ghost saying its too late, its over, theres nothing he can do... I NEVER thought he would do this, he was very open in his feelings of suicide... He would openly talk about how selfish and stupid it is... This was not something he had planned and not something he would do. Now itd me and the kids at my parents sharing a room. I've never went back to that house. Its packed up and cleaned out. If I had given him a fraction of the hope that I had hidden inside he didn't have lost it like that... If I could have talked to him on the phone I could have saved him.. U had no idea he was really suicidal, the police weren't telling me anything! They were trying to get me to claim domestic violence and get him in jail, but I wouldn't... All they would say is we've got him on the phone. And having his phone now, he was only on the phone for 2 hours, they told me he was on the phone much longer then that, I'm the one person who had the power to save him and they wouldn't let me. He left no note, at least that I know of. I suspect, knowing him, he would have left SOMETHING! There are papers missing that I know of. But strangely nobody knows what I'm talking about, its just not real, its not like the dedicated family man I know and love to leave us like this. I have always had a fear of death myself, now the only thing keeping me alive without him is my kids. I honestly would have ended it to find him again if I weren't leaving my kids alone :( I hate this. We were supposed to go dancing the night that he died. I feel so list and alone, even though I'm overwhelmed with family and friends, his are now mine...i love them dearly, but this is all based in feelings over ME! I'm 23 and afraid to get close to someone else now, what if I'm just a curse... An evil thing that shouldn't exist? I seriously feel like I'm something evil. Ah I can't stand these feelings... To see an example of what I'm talking about youtube dozerbear01, and look at the happy anniversary video he made for me only months ago :( and sorry for typos, I typed this all on my phone with swype, and I'm not good with it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 5:38am

Hi and I am sorry on losing your husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 8:34am

Sweetie, I am so very very sorry for your loss. It is a nightmare for you I am sure.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2011
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 1:26am

So sorry you are going through this. So sorry that any of us have to go through this. About 11 months ago my husband of 14 years committed suicide leaving our little boy and I devastated. I had wonderful support from family and friends so the only thing I had to do was breathe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2011
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 1:42am
Wow. Thank you so much. It really helps to hear this from someone with a similar story. Its been just over 2 weeks and the last 2 days I have a new feeling of saddness.. Very very sad. Sad for me, sad for him, sad for the kids. This sucks. Its so unreal. He was my rock, my everything. my entire world revolved around him everyday for 6 1/2 years... Since I was 17. He was.so young it just isn't right. So much life left to live. And the kids... He was supposed to be here for them! We always knew and agreed that I have and raise the babies and he takes over when they are older.. He was so excited to see them grow up. I have no clue how to raise these kids without him. Ah, just soo sad :(
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 4:22pm

I am so so sorry for your loss.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 8:49pm

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Warning!!!...This could be Triggering................................................................................................................................................................

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My ex hung himself.

I never knew that I had blamed myself.

Someone very "Special" helped me to realize that this was not my fault, I wasn't to blame...there was "NOTHING" I could have done or should have done.

He broke up with me, broke off our engagement told me he loved me, ruffled my son's hair and the next day he was gone.

For a long time my daughter blamed herself but it was "His" choice.

I miss him dearly and I know they do to.

We took it "ONE day at a time"...

This Sept 12th it will be another Anniversary.

That DAY is still hard.

But we will get through it!

You will get through this sweetie one day at a time.

This is not something you could have prevented or forseen.

~hugs~

<3

Lorie

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2011
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 10:30pm

Yeah for you! You made it through another day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2011
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 1:15am
Thank you. Its really helpful to hear (or read) words from someone who has been thru this. I think that when life settles down I'm going to join a suicide awareness/ prevention sort of thing In my area... Maybe I can use this heart breaking experience to help someone else, maybe save a life... I need to do something...my husband was in a union and I heard today that a union leader (i think) is trying to get a fund started for my family. Everyone knew and adored my husband, he was one of the best workers they had, honest and nice to everybody... And they all know I'm a stay at home mom to two kids... Its incredible how many people show support... People I dont even know msg me on facebook just riley me know they miss him and if there is anything they can do to let them know. Over 100 people showed up at his funeral... And he always thought nobody cared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 9:50am

It was good that you had so much support



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2011
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 7:50pm
Another day going by.. Another depressing day... my daughter starts kg on friday. I enrolled her today... I can't get him out of my mind for a second! I can't look at my kids and feel happy.. I love them of coarse, but looking at them makes me see what he did to them. My son was pretending to drive this morning on an arcade game in the store.. An ols man had to come up and say to him " drive like your daddy" I wanted to yell/cry .just thinking its not fair! And they are going to go thru that for their whole lives. I wish they could just say hes a deadbeat.. He got another family... But hes.still alive! They had the most amazing, loving, playful

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