Husband shot and killed himself
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Husband shot and killed himself
|Mon, 09-05-2011 - 12:44am|
My husband, 25 years old, shot and killed himself on aug 20, 2011. He did it over his feelings over me. We have been together for 6 years,we have 2 kids together, a 5 yr old girl and 1 yr old boy. He was such an amazing father and husband. He was madly in live with this family. Nobody could deny his love for us. His while works revolved around me and our kids. He was my everything, smart, romantic, funny, talented. He was by far my fairy tale come to life.. So beautiful inside and out. He wanted to have these kids that we have, we had so many plans for the future. He simply was everything to me. But I was being stupid and selfish... I wanted out, I thought I did anyways, we had issues if control and insecurities in the past, I tried ti leave him about 6 months ago, I had someone else from my past that I brought back into my life making it easier for me to leave. But, my husband wouldn't give up, he wanted me to stay with him, he took me out, he made me fall in love all over again. I was so thankful that I stayed, there was something magical between us and there was no denying that. Well issues of his control didnt change like he had promised and once again I began thinking I need out. This broke his heart. He tried so hard to win me back, he was sooo romantic and loving toward me, he made an appointment for counseling... He would hold me and look me in the eyes and say I know you stil love me, I'm gonna win you back babe. And inside I felt that if I hold tough, maybe I move out, but I KNEW that every ounce of me wanted to end up with him. I thought if I stay strong then maybe these changes will stick... So I didn't let him know how I really felt, I wanted him to keep fighting, I thought it was the right thing to do. I never denied my love for him, not once, just the state of our relationship. He said he knew I still felt it whether id admit it or not.. If shrug it off, but blush inside... Well on the nothing of the 20th we woke up, hr cuddeled to me, we were talking when it started turning negative, so I just rolled over and said leave me alone. Our daughter was in or bed at this point and u didnt want to argue I'm front of her. After saying leave me alone 3 times he snapped. He grabbed his gun and said he was going to kill himself. To wrap the story up, me and the kids got next door and my house was sworming with police, they had him on the phone for a couple hours... He tried to call me, said he wanted to say something but the police made me hang up on him.. He told the police he was gonns come out, minutes later they told me he shot himself in the head. He died on the way to the hospital. Before I left the house he was white as a ghost saying its too late, its over, theres nothing he can do... I NEVER thought he would do this, he was very open in his feelings of suicide... He would openly talk about how selfish and stupid it is... This was not something he had planned and not something he would do. Now itd me and the kids at my parents sharing a room. I've never went back to that house. Its packed up and cleaned out. If I had given him a fraction of the hope that I had hidden inside he didn't have lost it like that... If I could have talked to him on the phone I could have saved him.. U had no idea he was really suicidal, the police weren't telling me anything! They were trying to get me to claim domestic violence and get him in jail, but I wouldn't... All they would say is we've got him on the phone. And having his phone now, he was only on the phone for 2 hours, they told me he was on the phone much longer then that, I'm the one person who had the power to save him and they wouldn't let me. He left no note, at least that I know of. I suspect, knowing him, he would have left SOMETHING! There are papers missing that I know of. But strangely nobody knows what I'm talking about, its just not real, its not like the dedicated family man I know and love to leave us like this. I have always had a fear of death myself, now the only thing keeping me alive without him is my kids. I honestly would have ended it to find him again if I weren't leaving my kids alone :( I hate this. We were supposed to go dancing the night that he died. I feel so list and alone, even though I'm overwhelmed with family and friends, his are now mine...i love them dearly, but this is all based in feelings over ME! I'm 23 and afraid to get close to someone else now, what if I'm just a curse... An evil thing that shouldn't exist? I seriously feel like I'm something evil. Ah I can't stand these feelings... To see an example of what I'm talking about youtube dozerbear01, and look at the happy anniversary video he made for me only months ago :( and sorry for typos, I typed this all on my phone with swype, and I'm not good with it.