it's been a month

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
it's been a month
25
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 1:00am

Yesterday was the 1 month mark of mom's being gone.

Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 7:00am

HI Becky and I am so sorry your Mom passed a month ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 11:08pm

Thanks, Josie, for the kind words and advice.

I just finished typing in my blog for today.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 6:04am

Becky: I am so very sorry but you are expressing your feelings, so that is a good thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 4:33pm

Hey Becky,

you vent, girl.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 4:35pm

Sweetie, you are far from worthless.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 7:31pm
My insurance is weird. We only meet in the office, and I only get in every 3 weeks. Throwing the bottles though sounds like something that could help. I'm not angry with Mom, though...nor am I angry with God. I'm a little bitter at a small situation, but it's something I CAN just let go of.

My therapist seems to think that I just need some time alone to reflect, cry, scream, whatever...unfortunately, it's a virtually impossible thing. Like today, DH has been at the softball fields, umpiring, since about 8am, and won't be home until after 9 tonight, so it's just Ry and me. Tomorrow's Mother's Day. I asked him if there were any plans...going to dinner, to his parents'...anything...and of course the answer was NO...no plans. (gee, thanks). I guess it means I can take Ry to my friend's Aunt's house (like she invited me to). She read the blog yesterday, and basically told me that we needed to "go for a walk". Unfortunately she lives like 2 hours from here, so seeing each other is few and far between.

DH will not go to therapy with me. He doesn't believe in it, and thinks that I come home "bitchy" after my sessions. Aside from when I go for meds checks, I've stopped telling him when I see my therapist. Besides, she's female, and he doesn't listen to any female medical practitioners...(that's a LONG story that ends in the birth of Ryan).

When mom passed, he commented that he "understood" that there would be bad days, anniversaries, etc...I guess he is "expecting" tomorrow to be one. I guess I'll have to see tomorrow. I won't be surprised if he is "there" for me tomorrow, but I won't be surprised if he's not...he's rather unpredictable at times.

Unlike your sister, I'm the farthest one, being 3000 miles away. Relationship wise, though, I was the closer one...and yet, I haven't "seen her" or "felt her", etc, but that one time at the house. It's just feeling like she has totally left me.

Many Gentle hugs to you Josie, and prayers that tomorrow goes smoothly for you. Let that puppy of yours shower you with kisses and cuddles all day.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Sat, 05-07-2011 - 8:23pm
Promise, you just described me to a T there. Everything is wound up so very tight. I'm desperately afraid of what will happen if it uncoils at all, much less too fast. I guess I shouldn't be afraid, though...because if I am, the coil will just get tighter.

And, thanks for the vote of confidence. You're probably right about just being in so much pain. I just wish I could function better to take care of the family. :(
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 1:29pm

I know I am right about the pain.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Sun, 05-08-2011 - 11:26pm
I bottomed out with my depression between Thanksgiving and Christmas...It was bad...I felt so very alone, even though I wasn't. I learned something from that experience...and that's the fact that I am NOT alone...even if it means just having people through the internet to be there for me. IRL, though, I'm not really sure. I have one or two people, but that's about it. Usually, DH is NOT one of them.

Today, though, he stepped up a bit. This morning, after Ry woke us (then went to watch tv downstairs), he snuggled me into him, and without words, just held me. He just KNEW. After a few minutes, when the tears started (briefly), he started cracking jokes. It's HIS defense mechanism, because he had no clue how this all feels, and he can't handle tears. So, basically, the tears stopped almost as soon as they started. Church was hard, but I made it through...the rest of the day wasn't bad. I know I'll survive...that the pain will subside, eventually.

But to get to that point? How long? I wish there was an answer for that one. It would make things a lot easier. But, I made it through my first Mother's day without a mom. That's something, right?
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 05-10-2011 - 2:56am

Becky, those tears were a start and you also made it through Mothers Day.



Pages