Jump in and give us an update on how you are doing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Jump in and give us an update on how you are doing?
5
Mon, 11-12-2012 - 2:39pm

Why not just jump in here and give us an update on how you are doing, especially with the holidays coming.

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2012

Hey Promise and everyone,

Well here I go to jump in, I have been really feeling the loss of my friend Sue lately, I was kinda doing ok for awhile, but lately, I just miss her so much, I miss talking to her and laughing with her.  I think the holidays are bringing out more emotions for me anyways.  I am part of a grief support group, and it helps, I cannot go all the time as I work alot of afternoon shifts, and this group is in the evening.  We watched a movie this week, called Shawdowlands,  the subject of the movie was cancer and dying, it really showed all the emotions of grief, was so sad, I dont think one person was not crying.  2 years ago, I had a large gathering for Christmas at my house, and my friend Sue and her Son were here, it was just after her husband had passed, it was so nice having her here, we baked and cooked together and shared alot of laughs, I cherish that memory.  I am trying to move forward, but I just get stuck sometimes, and sometimes I go back and forth, I know that time is the only thing that is going heal this awful pain

HUGS to everyone

Kathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999

Nov 16th was the 2 year date of hubby's death.   Last year the stepkids came up and met with brother-in-law at grave but I guess the sting of his death is over as that didn't happen this year.   I went to his grave the week before as I truly believe he isn't there, just the physical body which he doesn't need anymore.

I continue to meet challenges around the house with replacing appliances or getting things repaired like hot water heaters.

Continue with the weekly volunteer job that I still enjoy doing.

The past few days I flipped through 30+ journals over the past 10 years and cut out any notes from hubby, and am going to pitch the journals and keep the notes.  I started to reread them but do I need reminded how people have hurt me, and the answer is no.  I am keeping the ones from the spring of 2010 when Mom was alive and hubby also.   I found close to 200 notes, might just be a heart drawn on a slip of paper and saying he loves me, but everyone is precious to me.

Crying with the holidays coming up but puppy gives me so much company and love.  

My family is thankful that my niece in her 40s seems to be cancer free after having 2 lumpectomies and then a mastectomy since she still had cancer.    So we are praying the cancer is gone as she has battled lupus for decades so given all of that and the meds she has taken, she won't ever be able to have chemo or radiation.

I do have plans on thanksgiving with 3 other friends, I am the youngest of the group by 10 and 20 years.   Just don't have any widow friends in their 50s.  I guess others in my age group have moved on and are dating but that is so not where I am and probably will never be at.

I have no family near by so won't be any Normal Rockwell around the turkey with a bunch of family times, and same with Christmas too.  I never did have cousins, aunts, uncles in my life so I guess what you never had you just accept that wasn't your destiny.

I sleep every night clutching hubby's bed pillow like it is a lifeline.   A lot of nights I think, one more day closer to dying and joining him as that is all I want.   I continue in therapy to deal with long time depression and grieving.

Promise: how are you doing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009

I have had trouble logging in but I finally made it. Hope everyone is OK.

Love

Promise



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001

~hugs~

My heart goes out to you hon...

<3

Lorie

I had the "Feelings" you are having...

Please hold on, H.O.P E...(hOLD oN pAIN eNDS...

So glad you have the puppy, I have my cats...:)...

When we moved recently I had to let a lot of things go but I kept the things that were "Precious" to me.

I have some of my Journals.

A photo album with cards to my Mom or from her, I treasure that...

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009

Hey Kathy,

I think this time of year really makes us hyper aware of those we have lost and the holidays can be hard to cope with. It's great you have some wonderful memories though they can be bittersweet. Grief does have it's ups and downs, doesn't it. I read somewhere that bereavement is a process not an event and that is so true.

Love

Promise