Miscarriage and Mariage Problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
Miscarriage and Mariage Problems
2
Wed, 01-30-2013 - 11:05am

I December of last year my husband came to have HUGE marital issues. We have been together 11 years, married 2 1/2. The issues brought serious trust issues for me. December was not a happy time for us especially when its around Christmas time and you have 3 kids to worry about. By the beginning of January we were trying to work through the issues that he brought on and had sex during my fertile period. Found out i was pregnant with our 4th child, then had a miscarriage. I wasn't that far along but a miscarriage is a miscarriage. About the same time the misscarriage took place I discovered additional information on the issues my husband and I were having in December. HAving to deal with these two issues at the same time is mentally exhausting. He hasn't said anything to me about the miscarriage. He tries to make awkward conversation with me. He knows I am sad and depressed; we weren't trying to have another but a loss is a loss nonetheless. In 2011 his mom died of gallbladder cancer. At that time he took it apon himself to be the rock for his siblings (he is the oldest of 6); he felt it was his duty as the oldest to be the rock for them, but to an untrained eye you would think he was uncaring. I saw him a couple of tears, nothing significant, and that was his grievement. Perhaps its the same thing with this miscarriage, perhaps he is sadden but doesn't want to talk about it. I dont know. I know people deal with loss differently, there is no one correct way. I just wish he would talk to me about it; I'm a mess and I feel as if he is uncaring right now. I have a husband, 3 kids, 2 cats and live in a beautiful home and I feel so alone right now. The wounds of our marriage problems were starting to heal some when this took place. I dont even know what to do with the marriage issues while dealing with miscarriage. I'm furious with my husband because of the issue, but I also need him right now because of the miscarriage issues.

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 01-30-2013 - 9:05pm

~hugs~

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.

<3

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 02-03-2013 - 5:40pm

Hi;

I realize how difficult and challenging things are for you right now but take one day at a time.. You know what helped me the most when going through a lot of challenges are support groups and counseling.. If I were you I would research a good therapist and go and talk about what is going on and talk about the marital problems.. Go alone if hubby wont go to just sort things out for now. I would also find some womens group to join as they seem to be a sense of comfort atleast for me anyway..

Put some focus back on yourself and practice some self care.. Exercise, eating right, nice salt baths with a good book..Sometimes we forget to practice self care when we are caring for others.. This could make a world of difference in the way you feel..

Remember you cant change your hubby but you can change the way you look at things..

Hopefully hubby will go to marriage counseling if you havent already suggested it...but if he doesnt go you go and sort this out...and make an appt. for him to go sometime down the road..

Take Care