my best friend

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
my best friend
4
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 2:24pm

Hello everyone,, i am new here, I have lost my best friend in the world almost 2 months ago now, and i just cannot seem to move forward.  I knew her all my life, I don't remember a time without her.  She fought cancer for 4 years and fought hard, I knew it it finally take her, I thought somehow I would be kinda prepared,  but no, its so hard, I cry all the time, in the most awkward places, I just start.  I find most people dont fully understand the level of grief, and how painful it is, its like they expect you to just pick youself up and get going again, and I cant.  I feel cheated, i hear others talk to their friend and I feel so cheated, my boyfriend is one, I hear him laughing and talking to his friends on the phone and I just hate hearing it.  Any advice would be appreciated

 

Kathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
In reply to:
Sat, 08-18-2012 - 5:25pm

Hey Kathy,

I am real sorry for your loss. Friends are the special angels in our lives who we can rely on to help and support us in ways no other people can and to lose a friend is to lose part of ones self. Two months is very early on in the greiving journey and no matter how prepared we think we are  about losing a friend, the real truth is that nothing but nothing can ever really prepare us for the shock and the pain the final parting brings.

people always seem to think that a bereaved person can move forward with their lives immediately after the funeral is over but the truth of the matter is that it takes time. A great deal of time. You need to mourn your losses, not just of that person, but of the future you thought you had with them. It is a double blow unfortunately.

All I can suggest is that you allow yourself the time and space to mourn in your own way. people mean well but we must not let them dictate to us when we should be moving forward. This is a very personal thing.

I hope you will come talk with us and accept our support. Perhaps there is also a grief support group at your church ( if you have a faith you follow) that might also help you.

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 08-21-2012 - 12:20pm

Hey Kathy,

you sure do have a bunch of stuff to deal with, with your brother being so sick as well. I have lost one of my brothers, I also lost a real close friend, both to suicide so I can understand , I think, your anguish at the moment with the loss of your friend.

That is a real good thing to do, to watch over her son. But also remember he is just a short time from being an adult and with all the responsibilities that come with this age. You can talk to him and support him but ultimately he has to man up and face the consequences of his own actions. I know that sounds harsh but you can not take these responsibilities off of his shoulders. I think he may be acting out because of grief which makes it twice as hard. Has he thought about any grief support groups for himself?

Please don't beat on yourself for not being able to be in two separate places at the same time. I am sure both your friend and your brother appreciate the time you were/are with them and they understand you can't split yourself in two. I know your friend felt your love even when you were not physically with her, as does your brother.

Yep, those tears come when the time is right for you to cry so don't feel embarrassed when it happens and don't try blocking them. Tears are our natural release and it does us more harm to stop them than it does to just let them flow. We have the need and the right to grieve in whatever way we need to do for ourselves to heal. We can use ritual, talk to the person we have lost, talk about that person to others, so many different ways but the ones we choose for ourselves are the right ones for us. This is how we move towards healing.

You are right, some people can be most compassionate but it is when we have lost someone close that we reach a better understanding of what it is like to grieve.

Love

Promise



Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to:
Mon, 08-27-2012 - 3:44am

Kathy,

I am so sorry for your loss.  My heart broke when I read your post.  You have come to a comforting board and I know that you will find support here.  I am sending you many hugs. :heart: