My Precious Sister

Avatar for careyfeel
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
My Precious Sister
5
Sat, 09-08-2012 - 3:28pm

My precious sister died two weeks ago and although I have cried somewhat I think I am still numb. I miss her terribly. We were extremely close.I was with her most of the time during her illness.

On the day she died I wanted to be next to her and hold her hand and stroke her head. However my sister-in-law took over and sat in the spot where I wanted to be: stroking my sister's head and holding her hand(I do not know if she was holding her hand when she died).

I am having a hard time not being resentful Also when my sister died there were a lot of people in the room.I just wanted them all to leave so  I could be there alone with her.

Is is normal for me to feel this way?

 

careyfeel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 6:00am

Sweetie, I am real sorry for your loss.  I have had to say goodbye to a sibling myself although I was not able to be with him when he passed.  Everything you are feeling is real normal :smileysad: I do believe that your sister knew you were with her and though you may not have been physically holding her hand and stroking her hair, your sister knew you were doing it in your heart and that you wanted to be doing it in place of your sister in law. I understand your resentment about having everyone there, I think I'd feel that way myself.

It sounds like you had a wonderfully close link with your sister and I want you to know that death can never break the bond you have and had with her.  I hope you will find coming and talking with us some help and also I suggest you find some RL grief groups as well as they can be of real benefit as well.

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2007
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 7:57am

I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand in the sense that my stepsister was able to be present more for my mom while she was ill, as I lived in a different state and have kids in school. I'd go there as often as I could, but I remember once my stepsister coming to the hospital while we were saying goodbye and "taking" over and telling my mom how she was going to paint her nails. It was tough and I felt upset. But, as Promise mentioned, despite the circumstances, my mom understands and your sister does too. It's been 2 months now for me since my mom died, and I'm feeling better - I miss her still but I don't feel like I'm in a fog of grief anymmore. But I know how rough it was right after. Hang in there and don't worry about healing at somebody's else idea of pace. And maybe you could do something special in memory of your sister on your own such as plant a tree or release a balloon - something just from you to her. My best wishes to you,

Mary 

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 09-09-2012 - 5:49pm

~hugs~

Yes it is.

I believe "She" knew...

<3

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2010
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 12:11pm

I think your reaction is normal! Something life changing was happening and you wanted to spend that dwindling time with your sister, and it didn't happen. Maybe, down the road, you will remember more your time together instead of the end.