Is this normal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Is this normal?
8
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 2:12am

My husband' death was unexpected, and shocking. I still feel in disbelief and I beg God to turn back the clock. I get angry as to why him. However, I am not ony resentful

Karri,


Mommy to Lilly Mae


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 5:18am

Karri:

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 2:07pm

Hi Karri,

no you are not losing your mind and yes those emotions are very normal. I think though they are the thoughts that only another bereaved person could understand. The others, no matter how kind and sympathetic they are, just don't get it.

We get bereaved twice when we lose someone. We lose the one we love but we also lose the dreams and plans we had for the future, so it is a double blow.

I grieve for the babies I am never going to have with my Luke, for the fact that we lost two angels and now I am left with no part of him. Maybe I will have a baby with DP but it isn't the same, it will never be the same but I know you understand what I am saying yet other people would not.

No, I don't talk about Luke every day either, I think about him but my thoughts are just for me alone. I have a lovely DP who wants o marry me yet I can't take that step yet. But you would understand. Luke is in my heart.

I guess I remember only too well being the third wheel. A woman without a husband becomes an outcast in many ways. Friends will invite you for coffee but not to dinner, you make things an odd number, you don't balance the table, you are an unnecessary extra :smileysad:. You are talking to those of us who really do get it, we understand.

I wish I could rewind time for you and everyone else who is in so much pain right now.

In gentleness

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 2:15pm

Josie, to totally get what you are saying about the role of Faith in all this. I found that the deaths of Luke, my brother and my friend



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 9:48pm
Thanks for all your words of sympathy. Its nice to know someone else gets it. I am having a hard time connecting with other young widows. Most of the ones I meet are 65+ that had a lifetime with them. Not that thean is any less, but its different.

Karri,


Mommy to Lilly Mae


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2008
Sun, 12-12-2010 - 10:17pm
Karri I agree with Promise. We lost not only our love, but our future as well. My husband's death was unexpected and totally a shock even though he was in cancer treatment (he died from a reaction to a medication suddenly). When he was diagnosed we were trying to have OUR child, as he had 2 sons already.

When he died I thought my world had ended. No babies, no husband,what was there? It took time but I knew I wanted kids still and want to share the love I have. I always still think of James, but don't talk about him all the time. Other people aren't the same as him, but that is ok. I am now pregnant and its so different. So many emotions. Its supposed to be James and I's baby.. not someone elses.

Our world changes, our phonebook changes, and things aren't the same. I've met some great young widows, but they don't live around me. SO i get the 3rd wheel. We are the ones that suffer so much when we loose the one we chose to spend our life with. I even now don't know what to think about the whole faith thing.. I have my own beliefs now. Your feelings seem to be what I seem with so many! HUGS to you!!

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Thank you Dedi and Kelly for my
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 4:52pm

Yes it is different.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Mon, 12-13-2010 - 4:55pm

Hey Katie,

Hope you and your little treasure are doing good.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 3:39pm

No, you are not losing your mind.